Category Archives: coaching

Coaching Someone Who Doesn’t Want Help

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When we discuss how to coach someone, it’s always presumed that the person is open to being helped.

But as managers and HR specialists know, that’s not always the case. You may have a hard-working employee who could grow much faster with a bit of support but is resistant to help from their peers or even supervisors.

This can create a rather strange dynamic in the workplace. But can you overcome it and get this coaching-resistant employee to accept your help?

Why Do Some People Resist Coaching?

People can be wary of coaching for several reasons, but 3 common ones can be:

  • They Think Coaching Means They Are Not Capable

Some individuals may believe that when a manager reaches out and offers help it is because they are not capable of achieving a task or goal on their own. Of course, being coached doesn’t mean the person is not competent or qualified.

In fact, in most cases, it’s quite the opposite. A company may choose to invest in coaching the employee who shows the most potential. But if the employee struggles with their confidence, they may see it very differently than HR or managers do.

  • Change Is Difficult for Them

Coaching involves a lot of changes. From a person’s beliefs to their preferred approaches for navigating challenges or even specific actions, the coaching-resistant employee may simply not be comfortable with this level of change.

Whether it’s because they believe their way is the right way, or usually have a difficult time navigating new waters, fear of change is a huge deterrent to people’s willingness to accept help.

  • They Don’t Want to Be Held Accountable

Of course, coaching can be done for the employee who needs more support and to improve their performance. That’s a difficult position for some people to be put in, as it means they need to be held accountable for their actions.

And for some, shedding light on their misses, failures, or promises they did not follow through on is something to be avoided at all costs.

Can You Coach Someone Who’s Resistant?

Some ways to navigate this situation can include:

  • Hear them out – Simply ask your employee why they do not want to be coached. This can help you understand their position and even clear the air, which could get them to change their stance;
  • Explain your reasons – Tell your employee why you think they can benefit from coaching from the perspective of the company, but also their personal growth;
  • Bring someone from the outside – The employee may feel uncomfortable discussing their weakness or fears with a supervisor or someone from inside the company. In these cases, they are usually much more likely to open up to someone from the outside.

It’s important to understand that coaching is a two-way street.

You cannot force a person to accept your help, but you can try to level with them and understand where the resistance is coming from. This way, you may identify a better way to support them.

Accountability In Coaching: Why Credentials Matter

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The world of coaching is fast-growing. It’s easier now than ever before to become a coach and start assisting people with a variety of goals, be they on a professional or personal level. However, in the past, many of these coaches have begun their journey after reading a few books on a dedicated topic, without holding much experience or expertise in the field.

This will soon stop as moving forward, people’s needs are changing greatly. More and more people have easy access to coaching services, which means we will see “new” problems that coaches will have to navigate.

And these new problems that people face will require a certain level of expertise from industry players. That, coupled with the natural rise in the entry barrier as more and more people enter the industry, are the reasons why it’s becoming more and more important to showcase your credentials in the coaching industry.

Why Are People’s Needs Changing?

It’s not necessarily that individuals encounter new problems in their personal or professional goals, though an argument can certainly be made for this as well, considering the aftermath of the global health pandemic.

More so, coaching services are today more accessible than ever. From companies that are offering employees at all levels programs to help them grow to virtual sessions you can access anytime and from anywhere, coaching is easier to tap into.

And this means that groups that have historically not been a part of the industry can also turn to coaches for help. One example would be the rise of BIPOC people seeking support and guidance in their professional journey.

It’s impossible to take out who they are, and the social-economic struggles of the community from their journey. This is why we can see a rise in BIPOC-focused coaches that specifically helps members of this community thrive.

And This Is Why Credentials Matter

As people are stepping into coaching more aware of the challenges they face in their career and personal journey, word of mouth and client testimonials aren’t enough to persuade them.

Coaching today and moving forward must instead place a bigger focus on legitimate credentials and proven models that can show the client the path they are about to follow can yield success. The promise of a big outcome won’t mean much if the coach cannot describe how they plan to get you there.

What Does This All Mean for the Client?

The industry will likely see a surge in new job openings and individuals entering the market. Clients will have more options than ever, but choosing between these options needs time.

Your coach is the person most qualified and capable to help you with your specific issue. Certification, experience, and proven models are just some of the elements you need to assess before beginning a relationship with a new coach.

So never base your decision on who makes the biggest promise. Review how the coach is planning to get you to reach your goals, to make an informed decision.

The 7 Deadly Sins of Leadership

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Around 65% of millennials believe they’re not equipped to be leaders yet as they lack the necessary employer support for management positions.

Leadership training and coaching are very much still necessary in 2022 and beyond, as people understand the responsibilities that such positions often require. And to be a good leader, it’s worth taking a look at the 7 deadly sins that leadership often faces:

  1. Not Knowing Who You Are

    It’s not uncommon for the image we have of ourselves to be vastly different from how others perceive us. Leaders who are not confident in their strengths and know their weaknesses can easily become their worst enemies.

  1. Avoiding Difficult Conversations

    It’s human nature to want to avoid difficult conversations. And yet, this is a luxury that leaders can’t always afford. To be a good leader, you have to be comfortable with opposing views and standing your ground.

    Difficult conversations are often necessary to facilitate change and improve operations.

  1. Focusing on “Being Liked”

    Speaking of human nature, we all want to be well-liked in any group: family, friends, and at work. However, while being well-liked is certainly important for a leader, this idea cannot become a guiding force in your decision-making.

  1. Avoiding Decisions

    There’s no other way to do it: leaders need to make decisions all the time. And some of them are hard.

    One pitfall here is trying to postpone or even avoid the process because of the fear of failure. This can hinder organizational growth and even impact your growth as a leader and professional.

  1. Not Facilitating Change

    A leader’s job is to help the organization and its employees grow. They are a conductor of change, which also means they need to be flexible enough to adapt to such changes.

    When the leader hinders change because they prefer the status quo, this is a huge issue for the entire organization.

  1. Ineffective Communication

    Communication skills can often make or break a leader. They must be well-versed in all mechanisms of language, be they verbal, non-verbal, or written. Often, they need to facilitate or encourage communication within the conversation, which is rather impossible without solid communication skills.

  1. Not Focusing on Your Potential

    People often view a leadership position as the prize in the career race. However, getting to the finish line doesn’t mean your journey of growth stops here.

    Good leaders know they must always grow their potential, and skills, and look outside themselves for assistance in leading a team or an organization.

How Can You Become a Good Leader?

We’ve seen that a lot of the time, people require specialized support to help them navigate the new challenges of leadership. One-on-one leadership coaching can help individuals get this support and navigate these 7 deadly sins of leadership.

As to whether the sins can be avoided entirely – that depends. To err is human, after all, but how a leader bounces back from these errors is much more indicative of their leadership abilities than whether they can avoid them altogether.

Wellness Programs: Are They Now Mandatory for an Organization?

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Society is forever changed after 2 years of being held in the grips of the COVID-19 pandemic. While people, companies, and industries are still figuring things out, we can already see some massive changes when it comes to the workplace.

Specifically, changes to how companies are starting to measure, retain, and even entice their employees.

Say what you want about the pandemic, but it has underlined the need for comprehensive wellness programs that can take care of a person from a holistic standpoint. Companies are also realizing they are not just the main factor that could influence a person’s financial life. They also play a huge role in their employee’s wellness.

The Stats on Corporate Wellness Programs

A Gartner Survey of 52 HR executives found that companies are doubling down on their wellness programs:

  • 94% invested extra in their wellness programs
  • 85% increased support for mental health
  • 50% increased support for physical health
  • 38% increased support for financial health

Wellness isn’t just the responsibility of the employee anymore. Companies are realizing that through comprehensive wellness programs, they can better predict and improve employee performance, and even increase employee retention.

Because it’s not just companies warming up to these programs: individuals are seeking services to improve their well-being in different ways.

What Should a Wellness Program Include?

If your organization is now looking to establish its first wellness program, the very first step to take is assessing the current well-being of your employees.

Wellness programs work best when they can directly speak to the needs, expectations, and individual circumstances of employees. For example, a company with many young adults may need family planning services. Notoriously competitive industries and high stress should strengthen their mental health services.

By asking your employees, you can effectively learn what they need from a wellness program. In general, such programs will take a holistic approach to help employees lead a balanced life, such as:

  • Physical health services – Such as adding health and fitness services to the program, providing tools and resources of education, or binding on a health coach to help employees improve their physical health;
  • Mental health services – Implementing stress-reduction protocols, educating employees about their mental health, improving their access to mental health services, etc.
  • Financial health – Helping employees plan their financial future, save money, invest, and even create safety nets in case of emergencies.

Of course, the wellness program can have many additional layers, depending on the needs and expectations of your employees.

Do Wellness Programs Work?

Helping someone improve their well-being isn’t a one-sided task: it takes 2 to tango.

But what wellness programs do is offer employees an easy, accessible way to take care of their health and well-being.

Whether at an individual level it will work or not, generally depends on the person. Some thrive better with 1-on-1 wellness coaching than with broad coaching programs.

But even so, wellness programs work towards improving the company-employee relationship and offer people all the resources they need to care for themselves and their well-being.

The “Human” Side Of Coaching

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Coaches can have vastly different approaches to helping their clients achieve their goals, be they on a professional, personal, or niche level.

However, what should never change in terms of how coaching ensues is the idea that the client’s needs always come first, before the books, the strategies, and the formats.

Call it the recipe for success in coaching, but when you don’t put the person’s needs at the forefront of your work, you miss out on the “human” component of coaching. And this component can often determine the success of the coaching.

What Is the “Human” Component of Coaching?

The human component simply refers to the fact that the coaching strategy should answer the specific needs of the client in need of help.

Let’s take two scenarios to help you see the human component in action:

1.  The General Approach

A person looking for coaching and support certainly has many options in 2022. In fact, you may even be inclined to sign up for a masterclass or course that can help you work on some of your issues to reach your goals.

These types of classes have a “general” approach. They tackle certain subjects in a way that a large group of people can have something to learn and gain from them.

The coach will likely prepare a set of videos, booklets, checklists, and other materials to offer their clients, and help them move through the course.

And you can learn a lot from this type of approach, especially if you’ve never worked with a professional to improve your skills and mindset to overcome challenges and reach your goals. But, with this approach, you are missing out on essential interactions with your coach.

2.  The “Human” Approach

The human approach to coaching essentially means your coach will build an actual relationship with you, instead of just sharing tips and tricks. For starters, the human approach involves identifying your unique needs and expectations.

You will meet with your coach and get support for your circumstances, instead of an overall approach to becoming more successful or socially open. The human approach puts you, as an individual, at the frontline of the entire process, and not a potential group of people.

Which One Is Better?

It should be said that both approaches have their time and place. The general approach, be it in the form of a class or a course can certainly help people achieve meaningful results and even clarify some questions they may have about their future.

But in most cases, people respond better to the “human” approach, simply because it is tailored to their individual circumstances.

So when you choose a course, a program, or a coach, always let your individual needs guide you. Ask yourself:

“Can this really help me? Is it appropriate for my goals?”

Once you do that, you’ll be able to effectively navigate the world of coaching and find the tips, tricks, and the people who can genuinely help you achieve what you want.

Virtual Coaching: The Good, The Bad, And the Disclaimer

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By: David Herdlinger

We’re living in an increasingly virtual world. Because of the Covid-19 pandemic, many industries were forced to embrace the remote or hybrid workplace a lot sooner than expected, or even regardless if they’d ever made such plans.

But like it or not, we now have countless digital opportunities at our fingertips, including professional coaching.

But does it work? Does video-calling your coach yield the same benefits as face-to-face meetings?

Let’s unpack the issue.

The Good of Virtual Coaching

Professional or personal coaching can be incredibly powerful for a lot of people in need of a little help reaching their goals.

But depending on where you live, you might not have access to the best coaches, or even not have one in your area at all.

Virtual coaching, therefore, allows many more people to access these types of services, from anywhere, and even at any time.

This leads to some compelling advantages:

  • Easily fit the coaching sessions into your busy schedule
  • Find more opportunities to get coaching even for niche matters
  • Get the chance to find a coach who can truly help your specific situation, etc.

The Bad of Virtual Coaching

There are two things I want to mention here:

First, you need to be careful who you trust. Since virtual coaching is on the rise, naturally many people may try to take advantage of them. It’s important to fully vet the coach and be sure you’re going to work with someone who’s experienced and can genuinely guide you to the success you look for.

That’s the biggest downside of virtual coaching.

But, there’s also a matter of what style you may respond best to. Simply put, some people still need face-to-face experience. The message resonates much clearer with them when they receive it live, as opposed to a video call.

The Disclaimer

I don’t think it’s necessarily productive to claim one style of coaching is better than the other. Both virtual and in-person coaching can provide you with a great experience.

Instead, be very careful how you select your coach, no matter if the meetings will occur in real life or through a digital platform.

There are some things you should always be looking for in a coach:

  • Compatibility – Like any relationship, you have to be compatible with your coach at least on some level;
  • Experience – If you’re going to learn from that person and take their advice, then they need to have the right experience to genuinely help you reach your goals;
  • Expertise – The coach is an expert in their niche, but is their niche right for what you need? Always be sure to check;
  • Trust – This is the foundation of any collaboration or relationship. If the coach isn’t the type of person you can trust to open up to, then your coaching experience will suffer because of it;

If you find someone compatible with you, has the right expertise and experience, and you feel you can trust them, then you don’t need to concern yourself with the virtual vs. real-life coaching debate.

Achieving Success: Do You Need Personal or Career Coaching?

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By: David Herdlinger

It’s a question many of my clients looking to meet success often ask me: what type of coaching is most suitable for them and their goals?

Do you need a career coach to help you stay on track in your professional life? Or, do you need a personal development coach to help you unlock more fulfillment?

And the truth is… most people need both!

Unpacking the “Difference” Between Personal and Career Coaching

It’s easy to think that the two areas of coaching are completely distinct from each other.

When it comes to career coaching, you’d expect:

  • Analyzing your career path and opportunities
  • Get support in case you need to reassess your professional life
  • Unlock even more growth opportunities
  • Determining your goals and staying on your career path to meet them

While personal coaching seems to focus on other areas in your life:

  • Identify the skills you lack and build them (such as confidence, communication, etc.)
  • Create more opportunities for personal fulfillment and happiness
  • Finding ways to reduce stress and anxiety
  • Cultivating a sense of well-being in your life

If you look at it this way, it’s easy to think the two have almost nothing to do with each other. But before you consider working with two different coaches to reach your personal and professional goals, there is one key thing to understand:

These two facets in your life are so intertwined that working on one aspect automatically influences the other.

Success Is Determined by Having a Balance in Both These Worlds

Many personal issues can have a great impact on your professional life, positive or negative. And the reverse is also true.

Only when you have to make real choices, you can understand this strong link. You can’t truly help a person move forward in their career if they are battling with certain personal issues that are indirectly creating unnecessary obstacles. You can assist them in writing the best resumes out there, do countless mock interviews to ensure they get the job, but if, for instance, you don’t address the stress in their personal lives, you know their performance will be affected. And so will their ability to reach their goals.

Choose the “Right” Coach Instead of the “Right Type”

A coach is a person who provides you with 1:1 support to help you improve your life. The means to do it or the goals can differ from person to person, but that’s pretty much it.

So unless you’re looking to work on some very niche aspects of your life, I wouldn’t concern myself too much with the label that comes after “coach” as long as this person:

  • Has the right experience and qualifications
  • Understands your situation, and is able to genuinely empathize
  • Can provide you with support in a way that’s comfortable to you (such as face-to-face, online, on specific days, etc.)
  • You feel you can trust

And the last one is, by far, the most important! Because if you don’t trust your coach, you will not trust the process.

Take Care: Ground Yourself

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How do you take care and ground yourself?

More than ever, it’s critical that we take care of our bodies and mind. After all, our success depends on being able to function in a healthy, productive manner.

So when your flight, fight, freeze, or fawn response is triggered, how do you respond? How do you signal to your body when you are in real danger, and when you are experiencing stress?

The term “stress” is overused and often misunderstood, as it’s bandied about to describe both cause and effect:

  • Cause: “There’s a lot of stress at work these days.”
  • Effect: “I’m so stressed that I can’t think straight.”

It’s interesting to note that while neuroscience has taught us a great deal about stress, we cannot always distinguish between the psychological state of stress and the physiological response to it. What is clear is that if we’re in a chronic state of high-level stress, emotional strain leads to physical consequences. The body responds with anxiety and depression, as well as high blood pressure, heart problems and cancer. Chronic stress eats away at the brain’s connective tissue.

We can’t completely eliminate stress. But, we can better manage our body’s natural responses to stress. We can take control, ground ourselves, and even improve our brain’s ability to function.

The Science

Severe stress activates the “emergency phase,” commonly known as the fight-or-flight response. It’s a complex physiological reaction that marshals resources to mobilize the body and brain to peak performance. Fortunately, it engraves the memory so we can avoid this stressor in the future.

Our ingrained reaction is essentially a three-step process:

  • Recognize the danger.
  • Fuel the reaction.
  • Remember the event for future reference.

Unfortunately, any amount of stress triggers neurological systems that manage attention, energy, and memory. Moreover, we can find ourselves in a constant state of stress. You see, the mind is so powerful that we can set off a stress response just by imagining ourselves in a threatening situation. It’s time to take good care and ground ourselves.

Grounded is a state of being when you’re feeling your emotions and you’re aware of your present moment experience. Being grounded also means that you’re feeling responsible for your safety and well-being. Grounding is an effective therapeutic approach for managing stress, anxiety, and improving overall mental health.

Stress and Your Autonomic Nervous System

The human body is pretty amazing. Not only can most of us choose if, when, where, how, and why to use it, there are systems that automatically work for us. Our autonomic nervous system (ANS) regulates our breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, and many other functions that allow us to survive.

The traditional view of the autonomic nervous system (ANS) is that of a two-part system:

  1. Sympathetic nervous system (SNS), which is more activating, and can be triggered by stress to fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The burst of cortisol may cause our hands to sweat, voice to shake, and stomach to clinch as our pulse rate and blood pressure rise. These are the physical manifestations of anxiety.
  2. Parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which counter-balances our SNS and supports health, growth, and restoration. When our brain believes we are safe, we slow down and our systems reboot.

The Vagus Nerve

Our vagus nerve (pneumogastric nerve) is difficult to track, but we know that it is the longest nerve in the ANS. It extends throughout our thorax (esophagus, trachea, heart, and lungs; respiration and circulation) to the abdomen (stomach, pancreas, liver, kidneys, small intestine, and portion of large intestine; digestion and elimination). The vagus nerve can be very powerful, especially when we are feeling stress:

  1. It can trigger the parasympathetic response.
  2. Communicates from the brain to the body and from the body to the brain.

Dr. J. Eric Vance, MD, writes in Psychiatric Times (May 2018) that we are in a constant state of surveillance for risk, safety, threats, and opportunities to respond. He refers to this process as “neuroception.” Fortunately, we can practice calming techniques that send a signal from our body to our brain that we are safe.

Activate Your Parasympathetic Response

Your parasympathetic response (PNS) is your body’s way of returning to rest or calm. Think of it like this: the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) works to stimulate fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—ways to keep us alive when in danger. The parasympathetic response system is our parachute out of danger: this system regulates our emotions in stressful situations.

Fortunately, there are ways we can strengthen our parachutes:

  1. Practice deep-breathing (engage vagal tone). Your vagal tone is a measurement of your heart rate variability when practicing slow, deep breathing. A stronger vagal tone leads to better blood sugar regulation, heart health, and digestion; a reduction in migraines; and greater emotional stability and resilience. Lower vagal tone is associated with mood instability, depression, PTSD, diabetes, chronic fatigue syndrome, cognitive impairment, and inflammation. Fortunately, deep, slow breathing can increase your vagal tone and trigger parasympathetic response.
    1. To determine your vagal tone, find your pulse. Notice any change as you slowly breathe in and out. If it increases as you breathe in and decreases as you breathe out, you have a stronger vagal tone.
    2. To strengthen your vagal tone, practice slow, deep-breathing.

  2. Soften the eyes/gaze (use peripheral vision). Softening the gaze, or focus, relaxes nerves in and around the eyes. This often occurs naturally when you are lost in thought or daydream. Conversely, when your SNS has been triggered you may experience tunnel vision. When we use peripheral vision, we signal the brain and trigger the PNS.
    1. To soften your gaze, squeeze and relax your eyes. Expand your vision to the sides: notice what is at the outer edges of your vision.

  3. Valsalva maneuver (increase chest cavity pressure). This practice can trigger the heart to slow down.
    1. To practice this, bear down to compress your stomach to your pelvic floor. Alternatively, you can close your mouth, pinch your nose, and try to exhale as you would to alleviate ear pressure. My favorite practice is to breathe in slowly for five second, hold the breath while bearing down, and then slowing exhaling. I do this once or twice, then breathe normally for 30 seconds, and repeat the cycle.

These are just a few of the grounding techniques that we can use to activate our parasympathetic response. If you’d like more information, a qualified coach or therapist can help.

Lead with Love

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As a business leader, how do you lead with love? How is love practiced in your organization?

Given the volatility of 2021, I’ve been exploring this facet of leadership. Tension and anger in the workplace is on the rise. Some HR researchers anticipate this will continue throughout 2022.

In a recent article published by Harvard Business Review (January 2022), eleven current trends foster ongoing workplace volatility. Some of the top issues leaders and managers will face include:

  • Fairness and equity
  • Vaccine mandates and testing
  • Shorter work week
  • Employee turnover
  • Permanent shift to remote technology/tools
  • Permanent hybrid work model
  • Wellness tactics, technologies, and metrics
  • The need for a Chief Purpose Officer (CPO)
  • Manager-employee interpersonal relationships

There is a growing urgency to strengthen manager-employee interpersonal relationships, and for some organizations, a shift or addition of a CPO. You see, at a minimum, the volatility we are experiencing creates stress for individuals, poor working relationships, and decreased productivity. Left unchecked, psychological abuse, violence, and ruin ensue. Great leaders can manage and even avoid these worst case scenarios by leading with love.

Our Need for Love

All humans need love: we need to be loved and nurtured, and we need to express love. For many, having healthy business and professional relationships is a top goal. Even the smallest act of kindness can help meet our need for love.

Leading with love is doing the right thing, at the right time, in the right spirit (motivation). This type of love embodies courageousness, discernment, justice, and humility—it’s not about our natural preferences.

Leadership, Love, and Blind Spots

When it comes to leadership and love, even the best leaders have blind spots. As Steven Snyder wrote in Leadership and the Art of Struggle, “Blind spots are the product of an overactive automatic mind and an underactive reflective mind.” This can be especially dangerous for leaders.

In Thinking Fast and Slow, psychologist and economist Daniel Kahneman describes how our fast, automatic mind reaches conclusions (re: judgments) quickly, typically prematurely, and frequently incorrectly; but our slow, reflective mind challenges assumptions, generates alternatives, and objectively evaluates and analyzes them.

Fast thinking happens frequently. Unfortunately, it does not address leadership blind spots, especially when it comes to self-perception. You see, most of us have a blind spot for our good qualities and a magnifying glass for our flaws.

The more we deny these blind spots, the more miserable we become. Instead, we can change the stories we tell ourselves that result from habitual fast thinking.

Practice Self-love

First, take a deep breath to slow your pace and clear your mind. Think back to something you recently did that was loving and kind. Allow yourself to linger in that memory to rebalance your feelings. Then, practice forgiveness. One helpful technique is a loving-kindness meditation:

  • May I be happy
  • May I be well
  • May I be safe
  • May I be peaceful and at ease

Extend Love at Work

The loving-kindness meditation published on Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley  is a helpful way to extend love at work. This meditation was created by Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research Education, who define compassionate love as:

“…An attitude toward other(s), either close others or strangers or all of humanity; containing feelings, cognitions, and behaviors that are focused on caring, concern, tenderness, and an orientation toward supporting, helping, and understanding the other(s), particularly when the other(s) is (are) perceived to be suffering or in need.” (Sprecher & Fehr, 2005)

The Platinum Rule

People are starving for connection and hope amidst all of the uncertainty and fear we experienced over the past two years. In light of these issues, it’s crucial for leadership to offer love using what anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher describes as, The Platinum Rule: treat others not as you want to be treated (The Golden Rule), but as they want to be treated.

Ask, listen, confirm, offer, and if agreed, act.

Love What You Do at Work

According to a recently published article “Managing a Polarized Workforce,” (Harvard Business Review, March-April 2022), “conflict is an inescapable part of work life for employees at all levels.” Their recent survey of US companies reveals that 89% of respondents report experiencing conflict at work and “spend about 3.5 hours a week, on average, dealing with it.”

Given this environment, especially for those who do not thrive in conflict, how are we able to love what we do at work? It boils down to identifying that which is truly meaningful.

Language Matters

Language is powerful. It doesn’t merely describe, it shapes reality. Language becomes the filter through which we perceive the world.
When we talk about work that is truly meaningful, we are talking about the fundamental and essential human need of purpose. Great leaders and managers tap into what is truly meaningful by daily asking (and answering) three questions:

  • What ignites my passion in today’s work? Reclaim your resources—energy, time, and attention—from the urgent to the meaningful.
  • How can I bring true value to this moment? Disengage from emotional entanglements and take constructive action.
  • What would I like my legacy to be in this assignment? Bring more value and meaning to a seemingly onerous task.

Workplace Romance

When co-workers seek connection and friendship, should love or dating be verboten? Views and opinions vary greatly depending on the size of the organization, the history (of the organization and the individual), and the perceived risk of intimate alliances. And so do company policies.

According to a 2018 survey published by Harvard Law School, the number of close personal relationship policies is on the rise. They report that in 2017, more than 50% of respondents have formal, written policies and 78% discourage supervisor-subordinate relationships. However, this does not mean they have anti-fraternization policies. Why?

The Cons of Non-fraternization Policies

  • Grey areas: what is a close, personal relationship?
  • Enforcement: who monitors compliance?
  • Paternalism: should employers have the authority regarding personal matters?

The Pros of Non-fraternization Policies

  • Prevent sexual harassment
  • Mitigate organization’s legal risk
  • Curtail workplace favoritism/toxicity
  • Outline accountability processes and consequences

Clearly, there are multiple considerations, including the approach, the scope, and the consequences. While every employee should review their organization’s policies, leaders and managers should review for:

  • How does the policy address employee’s concerns?
  • What channels are in place to support employees? How can they report/disclose their intentions/status? Who must do this? (The more senior in the relationship?)
  • Where are the grey areas? Who is responsible for decisions in these areas?

Truly successful organizations are led with love; what is happening in your organization?

The Resilience Pill

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We are seeing incredible advances in medical science in recent years: portable MRI machines, cancer treatments (radioligand therapy), sickle cell gene-editing treatment, an Alzheimer blood test, and vaccines. Is a resilience pill next?

Imagine: a simple pill that can increase our resilience. No more struggle with set-backs from uncertainty, mistakes, or failure. Stress would be something we could choose: the how, what, where, when, and why. After all, we know that some stress—eustress—is good for us.

According to The American Institute of Stress, eustress is the experience of a challenging event; it is a mindset that accompanies a challenge. And it helps us develop resilience.

Typically, we become more resilient through life struggles. We adapt and grow. But neuroscience reveals that some of us are a bit more lucky: we’re born with a bit more resilience at the start. For the less fortunate, a pill might just level the playing field.

The Study

Scientists have been digging in to the study of resilience and stress over the past two decades. One leader is Mount Sinai Health Systems. According to their research, the most resilient people have the ability to defend, bounce back, and find ways to create “a sense of safety, control, and social connection.”

When examining seemingly adaptive behavior, the researchers were surprised to find that genetics and neurochemistry played a role. They found differences in the molecular biology of resilient brains (as compared to less resilient). When stressed, specific genes in the nervous system become more active. But in the more resilient brain, the genes are more regulated.

This has led to pilot clinical trials with specific epilepsy and/or anti-depressant drugs to boost resiliency at the cellular level. Of course, at this early stage it is too early to predict the outcome. In the meantime, we’ll need to develop and cultivate our resilience in the more traditional ways.

Understanding Resilience

Over the past two years, this word has been tossed about everywhere: in headlines, podcasts, blogs, articles, talks, etc. I’ve noticed that there is a wide array of definitions, and subsequently, understanding. For example, from 2015-2020, 18 different approach processes were published in adult health research.

In the June 2021 issue of Frontiers in Psychology, researchers point to three challenges when it comes of understanding resilience: definition of positive outcomes, process descriptions, and identification of mechanisms that result in resilience. The authors suggest we need to reconsider some of the attributes of resilience.

The Research

Resilience research has been conducted in four primary scientific fields/waves:

  • Developmental psychology: This resulted in an acceptance and usage of resilient scales to identify and/or predict protective factors and resilient personality types, including environmental experiences that may occur at various developmental stages.
  • Developmental and ecological systems: This resulted in an understanding of resilience as a natural phenomenon resulting from many processes. For example: a sense of safety, positive social connections, feelings of competence and control, and positive outlooks.
  • Intervention and training: the technological advances in neuroimaging suggest the possibility to recover functioning after extreme stress.
  • Neurobiology: Studies on mechanisms, including neural plasticity and the interrelations between biological and psychological processes, reveal additional insights.

Researchers explain that our understanding of resilience has evolved from a trait-oriented approach to a process-oriented/outcome-oriented approach. However, there is no universal outcome measure for resilience. At best, there are three core qualifiers: adversity, positive adaptation, and positive outcome.

Adversity

The researchers define adversity as an exposure to significant adverse events or the risk thereof. The events may be acute and chronically stressful and range from daily life challenges to bereavement, job loss, or chronic events.

Positive Outcomes

  • Immunity, stability, or resistance: while this outcome may apply for acute crisis, no one is invulnerable when it comes to chronic adversity and/or significant trauma.
  • Bouncing back, or recovery: this implies that adversity is experienced in a specific trajectory for a specified period with a return to homeostasis.
  • Growth: unlike recovery, growth implies new, or the strengthening of functions and/or abilities.

Mechanisms of Positive Adaptation

  • Cognitive Reappraisal: positive (re)appraisal and attention control
  • Cognitive or regulatory flexibility: an ability to modify cognitive and behavioral strategies to respond accurately to changing environments
  • Attachment: secure attachment with family, teachers, therapists, or others
  • Hardiness: sense of purpose, agency/self-efficacy, growth-mindset
  • Neurobiology: functioning brain circuitries
  • Genetics: allele type may affect resilience to adversity.

At its core, resilience is a dynamic, multi-dimensional construct, and there is much more to learn. Today, we must rely on three systems, or sources, to build our resilience.

Build Resilience Today

  • Intra-individual sources: gender, sex, biology, physiology, health behavior
  • Interpersonal sources: education, family, competence and knowledge, interpersonal relationships and social groups, skills, and experience
  • Socio-ecological sources: access, formal, and informal institutions, geography, socio-economic status

Of course, access to resources varies greatly across the globe, and even within a community. We see signs of this more and more frequently as situations and behavior indicate persons are experiencing a lack of agency. How can we create a sense of safety (for self and others), a sense of control, and social connections?

Resilience Strategies

An effective strategy that helps build resilience is cognitive reappraisal. This helps us lessen negative emotions and increase positive emotions. Cognitive reappraisal is changing how we think about the situation.

Sometimes, it’s simply using a mantra, such as the Serenity Prayer: “Help me to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” This can help us slow down, breathe, and connect with what we can change: our own thinking.

Researchers have found there are many psychological benefits when we experience positive emotions, without necessarily altering negative feelings. After all, it is unrealistic to avoid all negative emotions, such as loss or grief. But we can grow through these experiences when we change how we respond to the situation, including our thoughts and feelings about the situation.

You see, cognitive reappraisal can change the intensity and duration of our feelings. Neuroimaging reveals that when we practice this strategy over a period of time it actual changes our brains; cognitive reappraisal increases our overall sense of well-being and resilience. And when we build our own resilience, we can help others, too.