What do you do for a living? A very common question that can lead to all sorts of answers & all sorts of follow-up discussions. It’s a great question to use when getting to know someone. It’s a great ice-breaker for many who are just meeting whether it be in a professional or social setting. It’s a great way to learn something new, both about the person you ask the question to, & also about the various professions out there.
This question can also just be a total filler if you don’t really care, are just looking for a way to kill some time or to stay occupied at the spouse’s Christmas work party. We’ve all done that – probably too many times – we ask someone a question with no real interest or intent on listening to their answer. Before they even start answering they are tuned out, & you are in your own world. Or maybe, the question is real but the response is so boring, so dull, that you can’t help but tune the answer out.
Some simple ways to avoid this trap – ask pertinent follow-up questions. My favorites are the simplest: “How?” & “Why?”. As with most things, usually the simpler the better.
How do you do that? Why do you do it? Such easy to ask questions, that can lead to such well-thought out answers. These simple questions can also lead to insight & knowledge about the person & who they really are. Try these questions out next time you ask someone “What do you do?”, & I think you’ll find it brings that same-ole conversation into a new space for you. Better yet, ask yourself these simple questions & learn something meaningful……about yourself!
My What
I’m a Coach. I Coach for a living.
As a kid growing up in Virginia Beach I remember 2 things that really consumed me – the beach & sports. I loved all things that had to do with the beach, & I was super lucky that my folks took a chance on an old fixer-upper beach cottage just a few hundred feet off the sand of the Oceanfront. That meant that my “backyard” was the beach, the ocean, & the dunes. The North End of VB, relatively vacant when I was growing up there, became my playground. I couldn’t have had it any better.
Not only did this provide me with the proximity & convenience of the beach & it’s lifestyle – I practically had a skimboard, bodyboard, or surfboard attached to me – but it also was an incredible stage for neighborhood, pickup sports. Anyone who grew up there remembers the epic tackle football games on the Old Hill; games that provided us kids with the most fun one could possibly have, but also ignited a competitive fire that most of us probably didn’t recognize. When we reconnect these days we still tell tales of the tackles that took each other tumbling down a rather steep hill towards the beach for all passing by on Atlantic Avenue to see. Or the times we got brave & dashed for the south endzone & its glory only to be thrown into one of the largest prickly bushes at the beach. The pickup hoops games in various driveways were even more brutal in their consequences; fun as hell though. When the pickup sports grew tiresome we took to the home-made skate ramps, bike paths, & of course, back to the beach. School days basically became place-setters, just time to kill, until we could get back outside running around with our friends, making our own rules, breaking those same rules even quicker before speeding off to be home before dark or in time for dinner.
Watching sports on TV or at the local High-School became more & more important as I grew older. Jersey #’s, stats, scores all rolled off my tongue regardless of how poorly I did on that week’s tests & quizzes. Yup, sports was my future whether it was gonna be as a pro QB or as a pro Skimboarder I knew how I wanted to spend my future.
When High-School rolled around for me I was obsessed with sports. Being a Varsity athlete was everything, & I would idle my classroom time away daydreaming about getting to that afternoon’s practice, or on the lucky Tuesday’s & Friday’s until I got to put the jersey on for GameDay!!! If it weren’t for these sports, their practices & games, & yes, their Coaches I probably wouldn’t have bothered showing up for the school part.
Soon enough it was time for me to go off to College, & I again based most, if not all, of my decision on where I could be an NCAA athlete. Grades of course held me up some, but I was still able to land a spot on one of the NCAA Lacrosse teams that I grew up watching & admiring.
My NCAA playing career was hamstrung by too many off-the-field antics (some may call it a robust social life), but it was during this time that I became obsessed with the ins & outs, the strategies, & the nuances of The Game (Lacrosse). I had the added advantage that my step-Dad was a High-School Coach, so I had the luxury of visiting him at practices & games. When our NCAA season would end in early May & his team was still competing throughout the State tournament I would attend practices, watch film, listen to him & his Head Coach discuss plays, players, & strategies. My 1st inside exposure to actual Coaching. It was probably during this time that I decided coaching was in my post-graduate future.
The initial pathway to coaching was as a teacher / coach. Both of my folks (my Mom & step-Dad were both teachers) told me that if I wanted to be a teacher / coach, then I needed to be committed to being a teacher 1st & Coach 2nd. Well, after 1 year I knew that I was committed to the coaching side of the profession, but not necessarily the teaching side. So after year 1 I got lucky & got an opportunity to coach lacrosse at the NCAA level meaning that I could focus my professional attention towards coaching & not towards teaching.
Soon enough I fell head over heels for coaching lacrosse – it completely consumed me, & I was ready, willing, & able to make any sacrifices necessary to get my foot into the door as an NCAA Lacrosse Coach! After a couple of years as an Assistant Coach at a small Division III college in my hometown I made the jump (with my boss at the time) to another Division III college out West to gain further experience. After a year out West I got the opportunity of a lifetime when a major Division I University offered me a spot on their coaching staff. The three years spent on staff at that level provided me all of the experience I needed to decide that this was my professional future – it was like my own personal Masters degree & Doctorate program of Coaching all rolled into one.
From there I was fortunate to land my 1st Head Coaching position. Not only my 1st HC job, but also back at the afore-mentioned hometown Division III school where I had originally cut my teeth as an Assistant Coach – I’d now be able to fulfill my professional dream of running my own program, but I’d also be able to do it in Virginia Beach!
For the next 22 years I was able to be an NCAA Lacrosse Head Coach in Virginia Beach. What a way to make a living! At the end of my 22nd season it was time to make a change, so I moved on. Coaching, however, would remain a constant pull for me in my professional life. I am now happily continuing my coaching journey with Kashbox Coaching where I help our clients move onto what’s next for them, helping them get from point A to point B. Luckily for me, I’ve been able to take so many things from my Lacrosse Coaching career into this new venture with Kashbox Coaching.
My How
How I Coach.
About midway through my Head Coaching career I heard a very respected, well-tenured Coach tell a stranger that he was in the “Leadership Business” when asked what he did for a living. That really resonated with me. Here was this highly-qualified, well recognized, ultra successful Lacrosse Coach telling somebody that he was in the Leadership Business rather than explaining that he was an NCAA Division I Head Coach. Wow!!! It was like a lightbulb moment for me, & 1 that I’ve never forgotten.
From that point on I considered myself to be in the “Leadership Business”; yes, I fully admit to being an idea stealer along my coaching journey. My focus & attention became primarily on how to become & how to be a better leader for my players, for my staff, for my program, for my University. As important as the X’s & O’s of Lacrosse were, it was far more important for me to be the best leader possible. Every day. I worked tirelessly at many things throughout my NCAA career, but Leadership was at the top of the list. In my mind, if I was able to lead a program with about 50 individuals each year in the right way, then that “right way” would trickle down to our players & hopefully have a significant impact on their futures, on their families futures, etc, etc.
Get In Touch With JP
Prior to his time with Kashbox, JP spent 28 years as an NCAA Lacrosse Coach (22 years as a Head Coach). During that span, JP had the opportunity to coach with & against some of the top lacrosse coaches in the country.
I’ve talked about the “Family-run Business” before in previous blogs, but this is another stolen theme that I hijacked along the way. I read somewhere about a Coach running his program as if it were a Family-run Business, & I loved the concept. I adopted it for our program & began to instill in our players, coaches, & staff that our Lacrosse program was a version of a Family-run business. Simple concept that went something like this:
- Create an atmosphere / culture that placed value on our people above all else
- Create an environment within that culture that emphasizes caring for your people (team mates). If we had a culture that started with caring for your people 1st then how hard would you play for each other on GameDay? How would you conduct yourself on a daily basis so as not to let your team & team mates down?
- Create a program that placed value on everyone’s job, but also identified that everyone’s job was different. Everyone’s job was important, & if one person didn’t do their job it had a negative effect on others. We each needed each other to do their job, so we could then in turn do our job. Coaches’ jobs were different from players’ jobs. Players’ jobs were different from staff jobs. But all jobs were important, & we all needed each other to be successful so that we could also be successful. If a player did his job, but the Coach didn’t do his job well then there would be a problem, & none of us would get to where we were going.
In a team setting I couldn’t think of better lessons & standards for players & coaches to live by. We put each other 1st, we worked as hard as we could for each other, & we by default we learned how to have each other’s backs. It made everyone feel valued, & it made everyone’s jobs important (even the guys who had minimal roles or minimal playing time on GameDays).
Minimum standards were also always a part of how I coached. I was relentlessly honest with our team & players, & I talked about this often. To me, it was extremely important to be honest with our players. If I wasn’t honest with them about expectations, standards, feedback how could I expect them to get better? They needed honest feedback & sometimes criticism so they knew where they stood, but more importantly how to get better. I told them that they might not always like what they heard from me, but that they would always know it was my honest opinion.
Resiliency is a big part of my coaching philosophy. Life is not always going to be easy on you. It’s not about what happens to you, it’s about how you respond, how you react. Doesn’t matter if it’s lacrosse or business, the classroom or your community – good things & bad things will happen. Expected circumstances but also unexpected circumstances will present themselves. If you can’t be resilient in the game of life then odds are you are gonna struggle. Here I tried my best to model my own life, personal & professional, in this way. I dealt with many unforeseen circumstances in my family life that put me & my family in difficult situations. Rather than blink, rather than complain, I picked the path of resiliency & hoped that my team, our players, our staff would follow suit. I didn’t talk about our family circumstances much, but I made damn sure my actions spoke louder than words.
One of the best lacrosse coaches I associated myself with during my days on the field had a simple slogan that truly resonated: “Next Grounder”. For those who know The Game you know how important groundballs are. Grounders quite simply win games. Good players chased grounders. Tough, resilient players were never afraid of grounders. & in a Lacrosse game there are usually tons of grounders. Most times, the team who won the groundball battle won the game. The message here is simple – don’t worry about the last play, don’t worry about what just happened. Instead shift your focus to the next play, to the next grounder. Not only does this make perfect sense on the lacrosse field, but it also makes perfect sense in life itself. Missed the last grounder? Got whacked going after the last grounder? Didn’t win the last grounder? OK. Go get the next one. & I wanted our program to reflect that philosophy. Learn from the last play, grow as a result of the last play, but never sulk or hang your head if the last play didn’t turn out in your favor. Just like on the lacrosse field, in life if something goes against you one day then just go out the next day & make things go your way!
My Why
Why I Coach.
30 years of on-the-field coaching in Lacrosse: 1 year as an Assistant Coach at the High-School level. 3 years as an NCAA Assistant Coach at the Division III level. 3 more years as an NCAA Assistant Coach at the Division I level. 15 years coaching, running, & directing at the club level. 22 years as an NCAA Division III Head Coach. There are so many moments, so many feelings, & far too many memories to sum up here. There are however a couple of highlights that sum up my “Why”:
In my 6th year as a Head Coach our team advanced into the Conference Tournament for the 1st time in program history. It was a major accomplishment for an extremely underfunded team battling it out every year against some of the top programs, some of the most established teams, in the nation. On top of this accomplishment we were also able to advance into the Championship game, another 1st for our program. In our semifinal victory we defeated the preeminent team in our league which was also the 1st time we had beaten this prestigious University. That victory that propelled us into the Championship was a wild one; a last-second, hold your breath, type win that dreams are made of. In the immediate aftermath of the final whistle the on-field celebration from our guys was mayhem to say the least. As my mind raced towards the Championship game upcoming I saw a couple of my guys still celebrating with friends, fans, & family on the opposite sideline. Fearing a post-game penalty may impact our chances in the Championship I dashed across the field to calm the guys down & bring them back over to the sidelines with the rest of their team mates so we could line up accordingly & shake hands with our opponents. As I grabbed for one of my players he turned to me with the best look I ever saw from a player – one of pure joy, pure accomplishment, & exclaimed to me “hey Coach, we just beat _____ University!!!!!”. The look in his eyes, the excitement in his voice are things I’ll never forget. In that instant I realized why I coached, why I worked so hard, why I sacrificed so many things to help these players & program. To see others accomplish goals, to help others achieve results that were thought to be unreachable, to assist a team reach firsts……all of that was summed up in the look on that young man’s face, in the sound of his voice. It was a really cool moment in my life. One I’ll always hold close to me. It’s one of the reasons why I coach.
A few years later I had another pivotal moment in my coaching carrer, & another one that helped me define my “Why”. This time it happened in my office as I was preparing for an off-season team workout. A former player stopped in unexpectedly. I hadn’t seen him in years, although we had stayed in touch. This was a young man who was best described as hell on wheels. He had been a helluva player – All-Conference, etc. He had also been an extremely difficult player to keep out of trouble during his career. He had numerous incidents on campus, & was constantly getting himself into hot water. He had to sit some time out during his career, & one of our Deans on campus at one point told me to suspend the young man again. I stood my ground though & stood up for this young man – I saw something in him, & didn’t feel that a suspension was warranted, but also didn’t believe that a suspension would serve him any good. Instead I thought that by suspending him that we’d put his path towards graduation at risk. Turned out this young man graduated, enlisted in the Army, & became a US Army Ranger – an elite soldier! To say I was proud of him would be an understatement.
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Well, on this day this young man had popped in unexpectedly to surprise me with a gift that I will always remember. After we caught up for a few minutes he casually flipped an American flag across my desk to me & said “ Hey Coach, I brought this back for you”. I’d heard about similar stories before, soldiers bringing flags back for family members, former teachers & coaches, etc. Half-stunned, I managed to ask him what exactly this was. Turns out my former player had packed this American flag in his sack on 27 missions searching for HVI’s – Highly Valued Individuals (in classic fashion when I asked what qualified someone as an HVI he told me that they must have done something very, very bad or been a complete asshole!!!). When I continued to pester my guy about the flag I learned that his job on these missions “was to kick the f***ing door down”, that this flag had seen plenty of gunfire, had jumped outta planes, etc, etc. What an incredible moment for me as a person, as a man, & as a Coach. To have a former player take a second to think of us, our team, & me as a Coach in moments like those, literal life & death moments, I knew that I must be doing something worthwhile. It was the greatest gift ever for me as a Coach, & for our program. We flew that flag at every home game for the rest of my career, & I retold the story of this player gifting it to me every spring prior to our home opener. Another incredible moment in my life, & one that I’ll always be grateful for. I’m humbled even now just thinking about it. Another reason why I coach as a profession.
Lasting Memories & Moving Forward
The What, the How, & the Why for a professional life in coaching. Some moments that stand out & resonated with me for why I stayed in coaching all of these years. Sure, the competition was great. The benefits gained from being a Coach go without saying. But after so many years on the field as a Coach, it has become even more rewarding to Coach for Kashbox Coaching in a different setting than the field & locker room. Continuing to help people achieve, realize, & strive for their goals is priceless – what better way to spend your time professionally? Seeing clients get from Point A to Point B in their lives is very gratifying.
If I can be a small part of someone’s journey to achievement then sign me up. As John Fogerty sings in Centerfield “put me in Coach, I’m ready to play”.
Along with his responsibilities as an NCAA Coach, JP has also been a small-business owner for the past 22 years. He founded & built a successful lacrosse camp business that, in addition to camps, expanded into travel teams, clinics, lessons, & consultations.
In both of his careers as an NCAA Coach & small-business owner, JP has helped to teach, coach, mentor, & develop hundreds of players & coaches.
