“Only the good die young” says legendary rock & roller Billy Joel. But how do we know what “good” means in this context? Some would say that by doing good deeds we’d match the definition. For others it may mean doing good for others or living a charitable life. No matter what our definition of “good” is, it’s safe to say that we all want to live a good life, that we want to make our lives count. I recently saw a piece on “making the dash count”. The dash in this piece referred to the dash between one’s birthdate & one’s date of passing on their tombstone. Simply put, the dash is the life lived. As I read this piece, like many others, I began to contemplate my “dash”. What type of life have I lived, & what type of life do I want to live I asked myself. In moments like these, for me, it becomes pretty simple; I don’t concern myself with what others think, what colleagues think, what workplace grades I may or may not get. Instead my focus simply shifts to family, & what would those most important to me think. As I simplify this exercise I narrow in on a few different ways to focus on making the dash count:
1. Identify who / what is important in your life & are you prioritizing those people & things.
2. Are you overcoming your fears? Fear holds too many of us back & limits too much of our potential. A life well-lived is full of overcoming (even embracing at times) our fears.
3. Am I on track to leave this place behind a little better than I found it?
The Who & the What?
How do you want the dash to read? To me this question basically means that we all have a birth date & an end date in our lives……it’s the dash in between those dates that matters. It’s the dash that we want to make count. This really got me thinking about what’s important in life & how to live mine better. I think it’s a great question that we all can ask ourselves every day, & maybe it helps us live ours a little better day by day. So how will you answer (or attack) this question?
For starters why don’t you start with the Who? Who is it in your life that is really important, & how do you want them to think about you? When you do leave them behind, how do you want them to remember you? The people you surround yourself with says a lot about yourself, so why not use these people to help define who it is that’s most important to you. Now this won’t be the same answer for everyone, so really do spend some time & dig in here. Many will start here with family. Family for many is the most important, & many times they are the ones you most surround yourself with, spend the most time with, invest the most in, & care the most about. But please keep in mind here, that just because that’s what many will think of first this does not mean that you have to think of this first also. You may have purposefully left your family out of your life, or maybe even left them out of your life by necessity. Something else may be of more importance to you, & that’s OK. Remember, this is your life, not somebody else’s, so be sure to be honest with yourself here. Maybe the people you are around the most, & who are the most important to you could be your neighbors, friends, colleagues, team mates. The list goes on & on. But the most important thing here is to honestly, truly identify who it is in your life that is most important to you. Then do your best to surround yourself with those people more than anyone else (ie: if your family is the most important people in your life then you damn well better not be spending most of your time out partying with friends or in the office with colleagues till all hours of the night). By answering the Who question then you’ll be able to shape how you want them to remember you & how you want them to think about you. I know that whenever I hit a rut, a bump in the road, or a curveball I tend to think about how my daughters would think of me & how I handle that particular situation. That usually, if not always, sets me straight & I can then navigate whatever the situation I’m confronted with.
Next, tackle the What. What is most important to you. Fame, fortune, health, family, etc. Lots of choices out there for you, but landing on those few things in life that are really important to you will be a huge part of your dash. If you’re a very giving person then you should consider some charities that are most important to you. If fame is what you’re after, then it’s time to get up off the couch, out the door, & go get yourself in front of the lights, action, camera. Basically, decide on what it is in this world that resonates with you, that means something more to you than most all other things. Family, religion, financial freedom, professional achievement, friends, experiences, education – what is it that stokes that fire within you (& in turn what is it that matters to those important people in your life who you identified earlier)?
Fear can be good, if used the right way
I’ve been reading & listening to a lot of talk lately about overcoming fears & using your fear to help motivate & inspire yourself. Think about nerves for a second; we all have them, we’ve all gotten nervous before. If you’ve ever gotten nervous before a big game or before an important presentation then you know what I’m talking about. How about before your wedding, or before you proposed to your future spouse? Remember that feeling of butterflies in your stomach before finally mustering up the nerve to ask that person out for your dream date? There is nothing wrong with getting nervous before a big moment; it only means that you care about whatever it is you’re embarking on.
Well, the same can be said for fears. Fear, if used the right way, can be a very powerful tool in your arsenal. Some of the greatest competitors in the world have an extreme fear of losing. Rather than cower behind their fear of losing, the successful ones will actually use that fear for motivation. Yes, turning fear into motivation can be very powerful in your pursuit of the best-lived dash you can imagine. Fear is not unique, it is universal. Everyone has fears, every day. Those who confront their fears & turn them into tools for positive changes are the ones who utilize their fears, a perceived weakness, into a strength. Rather than shy away from your fears, you can turn them into positive momentum to move forward, conquer them, & successfully navigate point A to Point B in whatever your endeavor is. You “get to” overcome those nerves & fears!!! Like most things you overcome you too can come out on the other side stronger, putting you that much closer to the goal of a dash well-lived.
Leaving it better than you found it
If you want to live a life well-lived then really think hard about whether or not you’re leaving it behind a little better than you found it. That can go for most things you do, & if you apply it to the bigger picture of life then it can really sum up who you are, what you’re about, how you’ve done it, & why.
I was a Lacrosse Coach for 30 years. Before embarking on that journey I had the privilege of playing The Game for most of my life, picking up my 1st stick when I was 5 years old. Hopefully I never left a sideline, bench, or locker room worse than I found it.
Later on in my coaching career (ie: as I grew into a more mature adult) that became a very important character trait that I lived by, but also that I consistently observed. Still to this day, as a Lacrosse Dad & fan, I watch teams, coaches, officials, & players before & after games to see if they are taking care of their sidelines, team benches, or locker rooms. It’s a small thing. But is it?
You see, to some, taking care of something says a lot about who you are & what’s important in your life. As a Coach I felt it was important to pass along to our players that humility, self-awareness, & gratitude were strong character traits. So we chose to exemplify that by how we treated the spaces that were loaned to us to use during our time playing The Game (yes, I capitalize The Game on purpose when writing about Lacrosse). I felt it was important to personify this in a simple way by cleaning up locker rooms before we left them, to pick up, straighten, & to clean the area where our team bench was & to make sure that the sideline we occupied during the game was always a little neater & tidier than when we started playing that day.
There were some opponents who you’d see leave trash, messes, dirty towels, & used tape balled up on the ground or even worse behind the closed doors of the locker room for someone else to clean up. Why should any of us ever leave our own mess for somebody else to pick up after? You can tell a lot about a team, a Coach, & players who do this. You can also tell a lot about those who don’t. James Kerr in his book “Legacy” famously opens with a story of New Zealand’s world-famous renowned rugby team The All Blacks, & how they consistently “sweep the sheds” or clean their own sh** up in their locker room following matches. In fact, this is a core component of who they are & what they’re all about…. & they are one of the most successful, renowned sports teams in the world!
Take this small example & apply it to your own life. Are you leaving it better than you found it? What will your legacy be? What is the current impact you are making on those around you, more importantly on those closest & most important to you? Establish habits & practices that help leave your impact on people, places, & things better than how you found them. If you do this your dash will be full!
Fill it up
Fill that dash up with all these things, & you’ll be staring yourself down in the mirror afterwards & you’ll like what you see looking back at you – a person who lived a full life that mattered. Surround yourself with the right people, the important people. Spend the most time with those people. Understand what it is that you’re all about & personify that. Analyze, react, & attack your fears. Don’t let your fears be the boss of you, but rather use those fears to create positive outcomes throughout your life. Leave this place, & your people, just a little better off than how you found them. Easy button, right? Now just go do it.
Along with his responsibilities as an NCAA Coach, JP has also been a small-business owner for the past 22 years. He founded & built a successful lacrosse camp business that, in addition to camps, expanded into travel teams, clinics, lessons, & consultations.
In both of his careers as an NCAA Coach & small-business owner, JP has helped to teach, coach, mentor, & develop hundreds of players & coaches.
