For so many of us there are ups & downs…. a corduroy road as a good friend of mine used to say…. on the pathways that we travel throughout life’s journeys. Doesn’t matter what pathway we’re talking about – life, home, family, friends, professional, career, education, etc the journey is going to be full of ups, downs, highs, & lows. It just is; it’s a simple truth about life; no truer story has ever been told.
The thing is these ups & downs don’t stop, they don’t go away, & they really pop up more & more often the older & more experienced we get in this thing called life. I’d love to sit here & tell you that it’s easy to delay or even avoid these “downs”. Sure, you can avoid some. You can absolutely learn from them, no doubt. You can grow from them, become more resilient because of them, get tougher, stronger, more experienced.
All those things can happen as the result of the lows along your pathway, but not gonna lie to you here, the “downs” are here to stay & they’ll only become more & more frequent the older you get. Not only will you experience them more often, I suspect you’ll also begin to experience & endure these dips in most facets of your life.
Now that I’ve detailed that grim outlook on life, I’m sure that you’re super excited to keep reading this piece (hahah). But as much as we all know that life is gonna bounce us up & down on that aforementioned corduroy road, we also know that we’re gonna have our share of highs, ups, peaks, triumphs, wins, victories, & joy (we will, I promise). As with most things in life the key to achieving & experiencing these highs will in large part come down to how we navigate these lows.
So if we know the lows will come, & we know the highs will come also, then how do we defeat these lows to get to the highs?
How do we overcome them so that we can fully experience the joys that come with the highs?
Through both experiences & relationships I’ve seen how to bust through the difficult times that lows can challenge us with & also how, with the right mindsets, attitudes, practices, & beliefs that you can come out on the better side better than, sometimes way better than, you were before.
A good friend of mine had this seemingly invincible personality. Hell, he was invincible in my mind. He was, so it seemed, on top of the world. Just a great dude, who seemingly, had it all.
His life was perfect…..from an outsider’s perspective. He was that super popular dude who always had the best looking babe with him. He was the key piece it seemed on every team he played for in every sport he played. He was a collegiate athlete, a team captain even. His jobs all seemed glamorous, & he was climbing that proverbial corporate ladder.
Money never seemed to be a problem – he had the nicest clothes, great cars, a beautiful house. His girlfriends, & eventual wife, were drop-dead gorgeous. Friends galore too. Everybody seemed to gravitate towards him, & he was always the life of the party.
He had it all it seemed.
He was the man.
Except there was a problem. Problem was that internally he had some demons he was constantly at battle with, so much so that these demons kinda controlled his life at times. While the outside perspective was that he had this perfect life, his internal view did not see any of this at all.
Get In Touch With JP
Prior to his time with Kashbox, JP spent 28 years as an NCAA Lacrosse Coach (22 years as a Head Coach). During that span, JP had the opportunity to coach with & against some of the top lacrosse coaches in the country.
He felt that he was always in the wrong, that he never did anything right, that his life was a complete mess. One day he knew that this wasn’t true, but then the next day these demons would overtake him again with such severity, so harshly, that he became convinced this was the case.
It was a never-ending cycle that seemingly had a grip on him so tight that it would surely tear his house down & force him to succumb.
It would have been easy for him to give in, to allow these negative thoughts to bring him down. Just like the daylight fading each day in winter it would have been easy for him to allow the negativity swirling around in his brain to overtake him. But he didn’t. He persevered. He fought through to the other side. Again & again. Over & over.
He continued to be The Man. He continued to find success. He made sure he was always the life of the party; people continued to gravitate towards him. Always. He continued to find success in the business world, he continued to find success in his personal life.
His new “teams” in life still relied on him, he was that key piece to their success.
Long / short here: he took life’s curveballs & hit home runs, he took sour grapes & made a fantastic wine.
Simplicity Wins
Here’s how my friend won his battles, & with some simple steps here’s how you can win your own personal battles too:
- Fight the battle (FTB in another language): He confronted the challenges presented to him by life. He didn’t ignore life’s challenges, he didn’t sit back on his heels when the pitcher threw the curveball. Instead he recognized the challenges, he saw the curveball coming, & he pounced on it. He never sat back & took it – he always was on the attack, & it showed. His enthusiasm for life was unmatched, even when he had to FTB “Fight the battle”.
- Enjoy every situation: it’s easy to enjoy life when the sunshine is shining brightly & there’s a warm breeze on your back, but what do you do when the storm comes, the wind turns outta the north, & the cold rain starts to come down? You enjoy both situations because life isn’t just about avoiding the storms; it’s about learning how to dance in the rain!
- Don’t let anyone else steer your ship: You only control what you can, so control your own path. Don’t let anyone else tell you or dictate to you where you are going or what path you are on. Your journey is your journey. Own it…..& make it the best GD journey ever.
- Show up when it’s least expected (& probably most needed): My friend had an uncanny knack for showing up for others when they least expected it, & oftentimes when they most needed it. By doing this he constantly had others backs, & they knew it. He was there for people when they needed it; shirt off his back kinda stuff. You asked him for something, anything, anytime, anywhere, & he had it covered for you. Not even a blink or hesitation at all. No questions asked. But I also have a strong suspicion, a very strong suspicion, that this was also a form of healing for him.
- Be a conduit: my friend took a lot of pride in tying people together. Friends, acquaintances, older, younger – if you knew him you knew his people & he tied you all together. His relentless effort to tie people together has left an incredible impact on numerous friends, families, teams, & organizations that can all credit their relationships together to this one person. How cool is that?
- 2 steps ahead: he wasn’t the smartest in the boardroom. He wasn’t the best looking dude at the bar. He wasn’t the fastest player on the field. But he was always 2 steps ahead of everyone else, & by doing this he made it seem like he was the smartest dude in the room or the best looking guy at the bar or the fastest guy on the field. & perception is reality a lot of times right? Be 2 steps ahead of your competition & just see what happens.
- Coaching & leading others: instead of focusing on himself all the time my friend was constantly helping those around him be better. To him this was natural, but by constantly pushing others to achieve greatness he was inadvertently (for him this was most likely not inadvertent) surrounding himself with greatness.
- Celebrating others: a genuine happiness filled my friend when his friends found success. & he let you know it. He let others know it. He genuinely celebrated others’ success, & by doing so he made his friends feel like the most special people in the world. Pretty damn cool.
- Daily wins: Always striving to get a little better, every day. Regardless of the type of day he was having: good day, bad day, in-between day my buddy was always looking for those small, daily wins that eventually would add up to something big. You can’t have the big wins if you don’t start (& build) with the small victories in life. Hold the door for somebody you don’t know today, pick up a piece of garbage that isn’t yours, say hello to a complete stranger. Whatever it is, do something “small” today. It will add up.
- What’s next? Similar to hunting for daily wins, adopt the mindset of “What’s next?” The best & most successful people don’t pout when things don’t go well. My buddy had many days where he could have gotten down & folded up the tent. Instead he constantly had a “What’s next?” mentality so he was constantly looking forward in life rather than dwelling on the past. The best never lose, they only learn & grow from the losses & eventually use these experiences to grow & build strength so that the forward journey is even better.
- #’s game: My friend had an uncanny knack with #’s. He could crunch #’s, off the top of his head, unlike any other. The most important #’s in his life were 1-0. He was always chasing the 1-0, not worried about what lay too far ahead down the road, or what had just happened in the past. He looked towards getting the most important win – the next one – all the time. Regardless of where you are in your season – undefeated, winless, in-between – you can always get the next win.
- Wildflowers: as much as I’m sure, quite certain actually, that my friend had dark days & times, he always seemed to put a smile on his face & enjoyed life. He was a big fan of music, sports, & politics. He talked about these subjects – because they brought him joy – often. He loved his family & friends. So he spent lots of time with them, & had many great experiences with them. Regardless of where you are in life try to surround yourself with the people & the things that bring you joy.
Ball Out Brother
Livin’ (credit to Mattew McConaughey’s character Wooderson in Dazed & Confused) ain’t always easy, even though some may make it look that way. While some will stumble against life’s challenges, others find ways to turn these challenges & struggles into triumphs. They get the most outta life, regardless of the circumstances. & you can too.
By bearing down on life’s hardships, challenges, & curveballs you can max out your life. & by maxing out your own life I think you’ll find that you’ll positively impact those things that are important to you, & most importantly you’ll positively impact the people who are most important to you as well.
The more I reflect on the life of my friend the more impressed I am, the more positively impacted I feel, & the more grateful I am to call him a friend. Not only a friend, but an example of how to live life.
An example of how to leave positive impacts & lasting impressions at every turn. It’s my hope that some of the simple steps that he took in his life to steer his own ship will resonate with you too.
I hope that in some small way I can exemplify his life through some of my actions & behaviors.
I hope that just like him, you’ll choose to “ball out brother”…….
Acknowledgements
Many, many thanks to the STJCTB crew & especially to the one we missed at STJCTB XIV. You guys know who you are, & hopefully recognize some of these anecdotes. Be careful when wearing those flip-flops……
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Along with his responsibilities as an NCAA Coach, JP has also been a small-business owner for the past 22 years. He founded & built a successful lacrosse camp business that, in addition to camps, expanded into travel teams, clinics, lessons, & consultations.
In both of his careers as an NCAA Coach & small-business owner, JP has helped to teach, coach, mentor, & develop hundreds of players & coaches.
