Ever ask “why not me”?
Ever wonder why you made one decision instead of another?
Ever feel like you coulda, woulda, shoulda?
Maybe you’re second guessing yourself or doubting your career path?
Wishing you had done or said something differently?
All of these are very real, and all are easy traps to fall into.
What if I were to tell you that there are three powerful skills to help you overcome these feelings & thoughts (as well as many others).
What if I were to tell you that these three skills were all attainable?
By all of us.
Mastering these skills IS within your control!
Ready to learn about the power of the pause, the significance of competing in everything, & the ability to turn setbacks into growth opportunities?
100 MPH by Pausing???
So you want to be a rock star? A movie star? What about those professional athlete types? Hoops anyone? Then there’s your multi-millionaire buddy who struck it rich.
Ever find yourself wanting to trade places with him? Well, that’s just the thing; all of these glorious lifestyles we see, maybe even covet, are all out there right in front of us. Everyday, & seemingly everywhere. There for us to wish we had. There for us to desire.
Also, there for us to question “why them, & why not me?”.
Well, to get there, to attain that level of success, to achieve that level of comfort & wealth we must change everything we are doing, right?
We’re told we must change our output, we must level up our effort, we must increase the amount of time, effort, hard work, the amount of blood, sweat, tears we are putting into our everyday lives to get ahead, to achieve our dreams, to accomplish our goals, to grab that mountain of cash, those glorious kingdoms, the lavish lifestyle we know we deserve.
The only way to get to the top is to outwork everyone. To put in more time & effort. To demand more from ourselves & in turn more from those within our circle of trust.
More, more, more. Right? Wrong.
You see, the emotions that drive that inner desire for “more” shouldn’t be stretched, pushed down, or pulled up too quickly.
Instead, put those emotions on pause. Pause? That’s right, pause.
Pause those emotions, pause those feelings of want, desire, & jealousy. Sit on those emotions. Soak them in. Allow the want, desire, jealousy (& any other emotion you can think of) to sit still & be quiet within you. Fear got you worried? Sit on it; pause. Anxious or nervous? Shelve it for a few; pause.
What about grief, angst, turmoil? Pause, pause, pause. Wait a second, how can pausing our emotions help us get ahead? Help us to get the desired outcome? Help us win???? & that’s exactly where the answer lies: by not backing away from our emotions, by not allowing our emotions to overcome us, by not brushing these emotions away we are getting ahead.
Way ahead.
You see, absorbing your emotions, pausing to reflect on them, then acting is getting ahead. By allowing our emotions to settle in, to simmer, to allow us to feel their impact then by making our reactions to these emotions a little more calculated we do get ahead.
By the way, if that shiny new car that you thought you had to have, that you actually coveted the day before is still there after your emotions have been put on pause for a minute or two then have at it.
Learning to Compete. At Everything. All the Time.
Let’s talk about competing; really, truly competing.
I know how to compete, you say? Do you really?
Most humans know how to compete; some choose to, some choose not to. But what most of us don’t know is how to compete at everything. All the time & the thing is it’s those who do know how to compete at everything all the time, those who know how to never turn it off, those are the ones who are truly winning.
Winning at the game of life, & there’s no game more important.
So here’s what I’m talking about:
Let’s take a look at the NFL. The best of the best.
32 teams. 53 players per roster, plus up to 16 players on the practice squad for each team.
Of those, only 48 can dress on Gameday. 48 players, 32 teams. That’s 1,536 players that get to dress out for an NFL game each weekend.
Now let’s take a look at NCAA Division I Football, the stepping-stone to the NFL.
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According to the NCAA there are approximately 77,000 NCAA Division I Football players, & if you include NCAA Division II & III Football we are now looking at close to 190,000 NCAA Football players at all 3 Divisions.
What about High-School Football?
According to the NCSA there are over 1 million High-School Football players making the odds of a High-School Football player navigating his way to the NCAA, then making it to the NFL significantly less than 1%.
Think about all of the hours, all of the time & effort that must go into this football journey.
To achieve this level of success the best players must continually, constantly compete. Not only on the field, but in the classroom, in the weightroom, in the film room, & in life.
Not a chance anybody could statistically survive these odds & make it to the active roster on Gameday if the only time they competed was when the TV cameras turned on & fans filled the stands.
These guys are competing all the time, in everything they do, lights on or not. In front of a packed house, but especially in the dark, cold, empty arenas of their journeys.
Just like an NFL player who has beaten the odds & risen to the absolute top of his profession, the top achievers, the top performers, the best in business, finance, commerce, education, the best moms, dads, brothers, sisters all compete all the time. In everything they do.
It’s easy to compete when the lights are on, the TV cameras are recording, & the crowd is watching.
The definition of winning is pretty concrete in these moments: put more points on the scoreboard than your opponent does in the allotted time & you win. Easy.
Also, it’s pretty easy to compete in these situations (although some do choose not to). It’s when the lights are off, when no cameras are on, when nobody’s watching that you really find out if you’re a competitor.
Those that do their thing the best – the best in sport, business, at home – they are the ones who truly know how to compete. They are the ones who are always pushing to do better, to get better, to improve. They are the ones who are always battling through adversity, the ones who brush off the highs, battle through the lows, & give their all; allll the time!
The thing is, they probably don’t even realize they are doing it.
They don’t think of it, or probably even recognize it, as competing.
To them it’s just simply the standard they live by.
So if you want to be great at something, at anything, then learn how to compete in everything you do, all the time, regardless of the situation.
Get To
So now that we’ve worked hard to control our emotions & actually let them strengthen us (not an easy task at all), & now that we’ve learned how to constantly compete within ourselves, when nobody is watching, we should find instant success right?
Instant gratification.
A continuous upward climb towards improvement, & towards living that ultimate life that we know we deserve.
Right? Wrong.
There will always be highs – & these highs are way more attainable & consistent with the aforementioned skills – but don’t forget about, don’t shy away from, don’t ever cower from the lows. Because the lows (I hate to say it this way, but the losses) are always going to be there.
That’s reality; part of life.
Regardless of who you are, where you are, & what you do. Regardless of the size of your wallet, the neighborhood you live in, the job you have, or the car you drive you will have to learn to bounce back from the lows.
So if we know there will be lows (losses) along the way, then what’s the point?
Why work so hard at pausing our emotions, soaking them in, turning them into positives?
What’s the point of competing, all the time, in everything we do?
Why bother?
Because, now you’re ready!
Get In Touch With JP
Prior to his time with Kashbox, JP spent 28 years as an NCAA Lacrosse Coach (22 years as a Head Coach). During that span, JP had the opportunity to coach with & against some of the top lacrosse coaches in the country.
Ready to take the lows (losses) & turn them into positives.
There ARE positives that can come from most any situation you’ll face. There ARE ways to turn the most negative circumstance into a positive – it might be from a lesson learned or it might be from becoming stronger, but it can & will happen…..IF you allow it to, & here’s how:
Just like the basketball player who misses the shot & just like the broker who botches the deal you too can bounce back & make the next shot or make the next deal IF YOU KEEP SHOWING UP & PLAYING THE GAME!
If you keep playing with relentless effort.
If you keep grinding.
If you use your frustration from the botched deal as inspiration to work harder, to compete, to make the next deal the best one ever made.
If in the face of an 0-8 shooting performance you take the 9th shot with as much confidence as the first because you’ve continued to give your max effort, you’ve continued to be relentless in playing to your highest standard.
Here is how too many of us fail: we give up, we allow frustration, disappointment, embarrassment to win.
We allow negativity to control our effort, to control our standard, & we just don’t play quite as hard.
Just because you make a bad play does not mean that you should lower your effort. Just because you don’t achieve the result you want right away does not mean that you should lower your expectations.
In fact, expect more from yourself in the face of adversity because YOU GET TO DO THIS.
Suffer a setback? Miss a shot? Good, you get to.
You get to enjoy the challenge of getting back up. You get to enjoy the process of coming back. You get to experience the thrill of rising up to the standard that you’ve set for yourself. You get to feel the exhilaration & gratification of winning after the devastation of losing, & there is no better feeling than that.
Why Not Now?
Still asking yourself “why not me?”
Dwelling on past decisions?
Hopefully, by now, you understand that those feelings of regret and self-doubt are within your control, that you can overcome them, & that you can turn them into powerful launch pads for growth.
We’ve touched how “the power of the pause” allows you to purposefully process emotions, turning even the toughest, scariest thoughts into positive action.
We’ve explored how competing in everything is what ultimately separates the good from the great.
Finally, we “get to” turn setbacks into growth opportunities, we can reframe those losses into “get to” moments where we will rise to our highest standards.
By shaping our thoughts, actions, & behaviors towards these three skills – pausing, competing consistently, and embracing setbacks – you will set your own process forward into a “why not now?” mentality.
Along with his responsibilities as an NCAA Coach, JP has also been a small-business owner for the past 22 years. He founded & built a successful lacrosse camp business that, in addition to camps, expanded into travel teams, clinics, lessons, & consultations.
In both of his careers as an NCAA Coach & small-business owner, JP has helped to teach, coach, mentor, & develop hundreds of players & coaches.
