Kashbox Coach Note: Leadership Coaching
People seek relief when confronted with obnoxious or ego-driven leaders. They long for a quiet, thoughtful, reserved manager who can create a peaceful culture.
This scenario seems wonderful on the surface: a break from ongoing torture. But behind their deceptive façade, quiet leaders often present a world of uncertainties and unanticipated challenges. Accompanying the more obvious benefits are surprising detriments that can be as debilitating to the organization as those inflicted by their overbearing counterparts.
For generations, too much of a good thing has been a generic warning, and this can hold especially true for the quiet leader. Quietness in leadership is better in some ways and worse in others.
Are You a Hands-Off Leader?
Quiet leaders are typically introverts who lead with as little emotional or relational input as possible. They’re uncomfortable with feelings, closeness, or the mess of human conflict. Psychotherapist and business consultant Beatrice Chestnut, PhD, dubs them “knowledgeable observers” in The 9 Types of Leadership: Mastering the Art of People in the 21st Century Workplace (Post Hill Press, 2017). She notes that they prefer solitude over engagement, intellect over emotion, and hard data over subjective input.
Quiet leaders need space and feel safer at a distance from their people. Interpersonal struggles, intense emotions, or typical workplace drama overly challenge them. They don’t aim for the spotlight but rather for efficiency and correctness. Disorganization sets them off. They want the machinery to hum effectively and do not need direct intervention or correction. They try to align plans and people well enough for all aspects of business to take care of themselves.
Quiet leaders value data and analysis. They process and respond; they don’t react. They base their decisions on their perspectives, formed after careful and sometimes painstaking assessments, to make the most beneficial choices. They establish control through cautious analysis and adherence to procedures and policies, maintaining their distance from complex human issues. Self-sufficiency is a cherished trait.
As Dr. Chestnut points out, quiet leaders establish firm, unspoken boundaries, minimize emotional expressiveness, share personal information, and inquire about their people’s lives. They inhabit a very intellectual and thought-provoking world, kept close to the vest.
Do you relate to some of these traits? You may have quiet-leader tendencies that cause you to manage from a distance with a hands-off approach. Some of your people may appreciate this style; some may struggle with it. Some may consider it so foreign that they’re unsure how to react.
The Ups and Downs of Quiet Leaders
Though a “knowledgeable observer” seems to defy leadership’s relational expectations, this management style benefits an organization in several ways.
Benefits of quiet leaders:
- Don’t subject employees to tempers, berating treatment, or outward anger. For many, this is a refreshing change in today’s harsh culture.
- Rarely invoke politics, favoritism, or excuses in their decisions and policies.
- Are objective in their perspectives and choices, based on data and analysis. Emotionally influenced decisions, which can have tragic outcomes, are not part of the picture.
- Are humble and thoughtful. They put the needs of the organization and employees ahead of their own.
- Leave their people alone, giving them space. Micromanaging is not part of the quiet leader’s style.
While this may seem like a utopia to many, these seemingly positive traits can invite long-term consequences if practiced to the extreme.
Consequences of extreme quiet leaders:
- It may be so hands-off that project details can be overlooked to the point of failure.
- They can stay too distant from people and have interpersonal issues. Misbehavior, arguments, attitudes, and low performance are often overlooked, leading to a chaotic and disunified culture under the leader’s nose.
- They are often untrusting of others’ perspectives and instincts, relying only on their understandings. This limits engagement, unity, and better ideas.
- Avoid feelings, relationships, and intense emotions. Employees may be inadvertently ignored or left feeling unimportant, and their personal needs may go unaddressed.
- They typically don’t care to network or build alliances, which limits their influence and the means to gather support for their objectives (and their chances for long-term impact).
- They can be self-sufficient enough to avoid relegation. However, their ability to distribute work, balance resources, and meet upper-management expectations suffers.
- Struggle to engage, inspire, and motivate workers. People can feel that only numbers matter, rather than relationships and the value of teamwork.
- Experience analysis paralysis, sidestepping decisions until an unrealistic need for confidence is met. Projects and progress are delayed.
Quiet leaders find fulfillment as strategists, problem solvers, visioncasters, or data crunchers. The esteem and respect they receive for this expertise are enough rewards for them. Information is king, and they enjoy processing it to make effective decisions. Only purely objective viewpoints are acceptable to them; they must be thoroughly informed to perform to high standards. They strictly adhere to policies and procedures as they plan their route to success.
Most quiet leaders fear failure. Decisions are stressful for them unless all data are exhausted and all possibilities are calculated. Procrastination is a viable option for them, as they can put off the prospect of failure.
These unfortunate attributes can put the quiet leader squarely at the center of severe organizational dysfunction and, ultimately, failure.
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Dysfunctional Behavior
Knowledgeable observers often appear seemingly harmless, so the downsides of their leadership style may take time to surface.
Dr. Chestnut emphasizes quiet leaders’ need for solitude. Employees won’t see them milling about, engaging in small talk, or asking how the weekend went. They limit themselves to their office space and meeting rooms when an appearance is required. An open-door policy is a rarity.
Quiet leaders are generally shy in social settings. They enjoy technical or analytical conversations but will show discomfort in social ones. Communication is most comfortably conducted remotely. A quiet leader is unlikely to partake in social events during lunch hour or after work, choosing solitude instead.
Leaders also avoid contact with outspoken employees who always have something to say, enjoy creating controversy, or spark disputes and disruption. Their inability to maintain control may become obvious when interpersonal issues go unmanaged or are allowed to fester. Poor employee performance may be similarly dismissed, provoking coworker resentment and further disruption. In contrast, they effectively deal with technical issues that require purely intellectual skills.
If they occur, staff performance evaluations are strained. The entire process may be lacking, leaving employees unsure of how they’re doing. Salary assessments, which can be emotional, are frequently sidestepped.
Quiet leaders enjoy dealing with objective issues that require their analytical expertise. They examine problems to the nth degree and often frustrate their people by procrastinating. A quiet leader sometimes wants more data when more is unobtainable. They refuse to rely on feelings or instincts to help make decisions.
Another indicator of quiet leadership is a reluctance to seek others’ opinions or perspectives. These leaders try to become experts in a specific issue that relies on their singular assessment. Consequently, they avoid delegation, taking on extra tasks, and choosing not to engage or train people. They fail to explain their expectations, so staff often doesn’t know where things stand.
Each behavioral trait presents an awkward situation, resulting in some organizational difficulty. When combined, they lead to significant dysfunction. The damage often becomes irreparable without corrective measures like training or leadership coaching.
Leadership Coaching: Advice for Quiet Leaders
Those who understand the quiet personality can help leaders adopt more effective approaches. Executive and leadership coaches are particularly qualified to help leaders navigate human behavior’s emotional and unpredictable nature. Leaders can learn how to cope when they lose control or face conflict. Fear of failure and other insecurities can be effectively managed, and a professional leadership coach can offer valuable stress-management tools.
Quiet leaders can learn that relationships needn’t lead to vulnerability, exposure, or rejection. With the right mentoring, they can venture beyond their comfort zone.
It’s difficult to step back, observe oneself, assess character flaws, and prescribe self-remedies. A trusted leadership coach or colleague’s viewpoint is a valuable resource for identifying areas for improvement.
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Dr. Chestnut asserts that quiet leaders must learn that they don’t have the edge of analytical thinking. With leadership coaching and encouragement, they can begin accepting other perspectives and experiences. The next steps are collaborating with people and developing the courage to discuss ideas on their technical and cultural merits. (This may take a coworker’s prompting.)
Learning to expand the power of relationships and deal with people is crucial. Leaders are more motivated to overcome their inhibitions when they fully grasp the consequences of refusing to change. Using case studies, an experienced leadership coach can remind them of the personal and organizational penalties for keeping distance.
Quiet leaders will ultimately discover their relationship fears are overblown. People are not out to expose, defeat, or reject them. Workplace drama is normal and isn’t typically subversive. People want someone to support and follow. They generally want to do great work and succeed. An effective leadership coach teaches the quiet leader how to build trust, let go, and be able to take some risks easily.
Working for a Quiet Leader
Drawing quiet leaders out of their shells takes patience and understanding. The best approach to helping them feel safe in relationships is to be professional and straightforward, holding back emotional responses or subjective language. Quiet leaders need to know they can collaborate with low risk and enjoy the process with a sense of comfort and productivity. Repeated positive experiences lower their walls.
Offer to help with tasks and ask how they prefer them to be done. Leaders will gradually see the benefits of involving others in their work. Giving positive feedback on how you enjoyed the process offers further encouragement.
Approach quiet leaders with requests for help or training, further building rapport and opening doors. Don’t ambush them with spur-of-the-moment issues; ask for an appointment and be sensitive to their need for structure and planning. Quiet leaders hate surprises, so inform them of significant issues as soon as you know them. Present important details in a calm, objective fashion. You’ll earn their trust with other issues that crop up, and they may learn to collaborate with you in solving them.
Quiet leaders lack the people skills that many consider necessary for effective leadership but often find themselves in positions of authority. While they may seem like fish out of water in some respects, leadership coaching can help and encourage them to expand their comfort zones, grow their trust, and engage others.
Creator of the KASHBOX: Knowledge, Attitude, Skills, Habits
Helping You Realize Your Potential
I help people discover their potential, expand and develop the skills and attitudes necessary to achieve a higher degree of personal and professional success and create a plan that enables them to balance the profit motives of their business with the personal motives of their lives.
