The first thing many people look at when attempting to climb a mountain is the mountaintop itself. Whoa!!!!! That is a steep, treacherous climb. Look at all those obstacles, all the peaks & valleys. Just imagine all the effort & energy that’s gonna take. Not to mention all the time & commitment it’s gonna take.
Doubt starts to creep in. Not sure that’s a realistic climb. Don’t think I can make it all the way. What if I stumble, or worse what if I fail? I’m probably not built for this you start to think, & next thing you know before you even get going on the journey you don’t even start.
What if instead of looking at the mountaintop first, you started by looking at the first step? Could you make that look & feel realistic? Can you achieve that 1 step? Of course I can you retort; let’s go!!!
If you’ve ever felt like this in any of life’s journeys you are certainly not alone. If you are an aspiring leader within your organization, team, or family there is no doubt that some of these thoughts have swirled around inside your head.
Well, today we’ll look at how Leadership is a simple, achievable goal that can be built upon step-by-step for anyone who is willing to take on the challenge, one step at a time. Let’s dive in to how to start on your Leadership journey by focusing on a very simple, but also overlooked & very important part of being a truly great Leader:
- Listening is one of the most valuable tools for any Leader.
- It is also one of the most difficult skills to be good at!
- The good news is that with a few simple practices we can all work on our listening skills
- With some time & effort you can improve your listening skills which greatly enhances your Leadership
Listen to Learn
Don’t know about you, but I know for me I’ve been in way too many conversations where I thought I was listening – where I felt like I was listening, but in retrospect I realize that oftentimes I was just waiting for my turn to speak. This is NOT listening!!!
As I gained a little more experience as a Dad, as a partner, as a Coach (BIG shout out to David Herdlinger) I came to realize how much better I needed to get at listening. & as I came to this realization I also began to understand how important listening really is if you’re serious about being a great Leader.
To start, I learned (I’m STILL learning actually) how to shut up in conversations & listen to my counterpart. I learned (again, STILL learning) how to start conversations not by giving advice, but rather by asking questions. This is admittedly not easy for me – I can get a little wordy at times, & understand that I tend to be quick to insert myself, & my advice into conversations. Shutting up is not that hard – we can all do it; definitely something we all can control. For me it took a little focus on self-control, & some repetitive reminders to myself to be quiet & to concentrate on listening instead of focusing on what I could say or add to the conversation.
Get In Touch With JP
Prior to his time with Kashbox, JP spent 28 years as an NCAA Lacrosse Coach (22 years as a Head Coach). During that span, JP had the opportunity to coach with & against some of the top lacrosse coaches in the country.
Don’t just listen, but truly try to understand what the person you are talking with is saying, thinking, feeling, & experiencing in that conversation.
Next, ask questions! If you aren’t exactly picking up what your counterpart is saying, don’t hesitate to ask soft, follow-up questions. This will not only help you with clarity & understanding, but it will also show your counterpart that you are listening. A soft, follow-up question can do some really good things for your conversation:
- You show you are listening by asking simple, easy, follow-up questions (as long as they are relevant to the conversation)
- It can spark new thoughts & new dialogue
- It enables you to dive deeper into the conversation
- It makes the person you’re talking with feel special, which will help build trust in the conversation
After your initial round of follow-up questions, be quiet again. Listen more. Soak in the conversation, maybe even take some notes if that is helpful. Active listening is an important, but attainable skill that we can all get better at with a little effort. If you can become a good, active listener I think you’ll find that you’ll start to add real value to those you converse with, & that you will also find that you are better equipped to provide that Leadership you are looking for. Remember, the goal of the conversation is not about you, it’s about understanding what the other person needs, & understanding what it is that they are trying to convey.
Gaining Trust
People want to open up, & in the course of your development as a listener you’ll find that the more you listen, the more you try to understand, the more you lead with questions then follow-up with soft, simple questions relevant to the conversation the more people will open up to you. People are more willing to open up when asked questions! This will all lead to more in-depth conversations, & more impactful conversations.
More impactful conversations lead to more trust being shared. Shared trust leads to a deeper, stronger relationship & understanding of one another. Strong relationships lead to more collaborative environments with people working together symbiotically.
You’ll see a difference, in both individual & team conversations, in the dynamics of your talks by asking questions, then by shutting up, listening, & maybe even taking notes.
Want to improve as a Leader? Strong listening skills (& it is a skill) will show that you care. When somebody sees that you care they are far more likely to follow your lead. It’s a skill that helps you support others, & there are so many people out there who are looking for that support.
For you Moms & Dads, try it at home with your spouses, partners, & children. Rather than turning the most important people in your life away by inserting advice, rules, or standards you’ll instead now have better, more meaningful, & more impactful conversations at home. What could be better than that?
Forwards, not Backwards
Ya don’t know what ya don’t know. Hindsight, foresight. You can’t change the past. Common sayings that all ring very true.
As a younger Coach I wish I had listened better to my teams. As a younger Dad I wish I had been a better listener to my daughters. But I also know now, that if it weren’t for the learning I needed to do, & for the growth that I needed to embark on, that I wouldn’t be where I am today. For that I’m grateful.
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As a younger Leader I wish I hadn’t looked at the mountaintop 1st. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have tried to jump from Point A to Point Z. Instead I wish I would have realized that to get from Point A to Point Z I’d first need to stop at Points B, C, D, etc. I would’ve taken that 1st step on the journey by becoming a good listener 1st.
Listening, I now realize, is the cornerstone to any good Leader (Dad, Coach, etc). Listening not only helps your teams or the individuals you are working with, it also makes you better. Listening & learning from counterparts adds knowledge to your quiver. It adds information, it adds depth, understanding, & empathy. All of these things provide you, as a Leader, with more tools to be a better Leader.
Most importantly it helps you help others better. You, quite simply, can help & support others better when you listen to them & understand what it is they are attempting to communicate. At the end of the day, this is all any good Leader wants – the opportunity & ability to help & support others in the best way possible.
Be good out there. Be strong, be humble, & oh yeah…..listen up!
Along with his responsibilities as an NCAA Coach, JP has also been a small-business owner for the past 22 years. He founded & built a successful lacrosse camp business that, in addition to camps, expanded into travel teams, clinics, lessons, & consultations.
In both of his careers as an NCAA Coach & small-business owner, JP has helped to teach, coach, mentor, & develop hundreds of players & coaches.
