Are You “In” or “Out” of the Box?
In the journey of leadership, one of the most profound challenges encountered with each step up the ladder of responsibility is the subtle yet potent force of self-deception. This is a recurring theme in “Leadership and Self-Deception,” a remarkable book by the Arbinger Institute that I frequently discuss with clients during executive coaching sessions. The narrative of the book unfolds around an executive grappling with challenges at both work and home, offering a compelling exploration of the psychological mechanisms that obscure our true intentions. The book not only reveals the incarcerating “box” of self-justification but also illuminates the path to freedom and clarity.
When you’re “in the box,” personal interests and goals dominate your perspective, warping your perceptions through a lens of self-justification. This often results in shifting blame to external factors or individuals, shirking personal accountability, and relentlessly trying to mold others to align with your viewpoints. Such a mindset traps leaders in repetitive cycles of inefficiency and miscommunication.
Conversely, when you’re “out of the box,” you embrace openness and authenticity. You become genuinely interested in others’ perspectives and empathetic towards their experiences. You’ll begin to recognize the true underpinnings of problems, including your own contributions. Letting go of blame, judgment, and unproductive conflicts allows leaders to disengage from defensive postures and harness their energies towards self-awareness, addressing authentic needs, and achieving tangible results.
This perpetual battle of being “in” versus “out” of the box is compounded by our cognitive hardwiring, which tends to focus on embellishing our strengths and needs. This phenomenon, famously known as the “Lake Wobegon Effect,” illustrates a common human bias depicted in Garrison Keillor’s fictional town, where everyone views themselves as exceptionally superior.
Psychology has extensively documented our proclivity to believe overly flattering and often unrealistic things about ourselves. Many of us, particularly high-achievers, hold ourselves in an unrealistic esteem, considering ourselves:
- More intelligent than others
- More fair-minded
- Less prejudiced
- Superior drivers
This “Lake Wobegon Effect” highlights a prevalent self-deception trap: our natural inclination to view ourselves as above average. While high self-esteem itself is not problematic, when grounded in delusion, the effort to defend it can drain significant resources and skew our interactions and decision-making.
Recognizing and escaping the box requires cultivating authentic awareness and honest introspection. Leaders need a commitment to personal growth, guided by trusted mentors or coaches, to navigate the delicate balance between healthy self-esteem and delusion.
In subsequent discussions, we’ll delve deeper into how this self-awareness journey can significantly transform your leadership approach, fostering genuine connections and impactful outcomes. I invite you to reflect on how “in or out of the box” dynamics play out in your professional and personal life and share any insights or challenges you face in overcoming these tendencies.
Creator of the KASHBOX: Knowledge, Attitude, Skills, Habits
Helping You Realize Your Potential
I help people discover their potential, expand and develop the skills and attitudes necessary to achieve a higher degree of personal and professional success and create a plan that enables them to balance the profit motives of their business with the personal motives of their lives.
