If you don’t have thick skin then a Leadership role may not be for you.
Sitting up straight now? Paying attention?
Good.
Many people in Leadership positions shouldn’t be. Sad, but true. One of the most prevalent reasons this occurs is because too many people in these positions avoid the tough, uncomfortable conversations & interactions that are necessary. Necessary to advance their people. Necessary to advance their teams. Necessary to advance themselves as Leaders.
Good news here is that developing thicker skin, like many skills & attributes necessary in life & in Leadership, is a skill that can be improved upon with some hard work, focus, & repetition. Just like an athletic skill can be improved upon with those same processes.
A good, strong Leader with thick skin can have open, honest, candid conversations. Open, honest, candid conversations not only are necessary they are also extremely helpful for both the Leader & their teams. Being open & honest not only allows the Leader to communicate critical information in a useful way, it also allows the team members the ability to receive feedback that they can use in a positive manner. Anyone who has ever received input that may not be what they wanted to hear but was what they needed to hear should be able to relate here.
My favorite basketball player of all-time is Michael Jordan. Anyone who watched him (or has watched his highlights) knows what I’m talking about. Unreal skills. Incredible athleticism. Relentless competitor. Jordan had it all. His Chicago Bulls teams won 6 NBA Championships. His North Carolina Tarheels won an NCAA Championship; MJ drained the game-winning jumper to seal the game as a freshman. Jordan was renowned for his tough love approach to teammates, especially as his NBA career advanced. He famously held his team & teammates to viciously high standards with the end goal of winning Championships.
While some teammates cowered at his relentless pursuit of winning, most of those who played with him recognized that his high standards weren’t just lip service. Jordan was all-in, all the time. He never wavered on his commitment to the game & to his team. He was widely regarded as the hardest working player on the team who never demanded anything of his teammates that he didn’t demand of himself. As he said, “Winning has a price & leadership has a price. So I pulled people along when they didn’t want to be pulled. I challenged people when they didn’t want to be challenged. Once you joined the team, you lived at a certain standard that I played the game. And I wasn’t going to take anything less”
Jordan recognized & embraced that the Leader can’t please everyone all the time. Leaders can’t always be “friends” with everybody. Leaders need thick skin, as they need to put “team” first over individual needs & wants.
As much of a superstar as Michael Jordan was on the basketball court it was his competitive fire & uncompromising leadership that set him apart.
As Julie Fournier, author of Daily Wisdom says, “The reality is that great leaders aren’t always liked.”
Get Uncomfortable
Feel like you’ve got thick skin? Don’t have trouble making the uncomfortable conversation a reality? Do you thrive in environments that many others avoid?
These characteristics will be very important on your Leadership journey.
However, one can always improve on these important characteristics if they so choose.
As a Leader (whether it’s leading yourself, others, or a combination) it is necessary to be selfless. To put others, & their betterment, first. Oftentimes this means the Leader will have to thrive outside of their own comfort zone. “Leadership isn’t about making everyone comfortable or keeping the peace,” says Fournier. “It’s about guiding people to become better versions of themselves, even if it means making them uncomfortable in the process.” So many times in life you have to get uncomfortable to get better at something. That’s a reality. That’s a part of the process, & as you continue on your path to becoming a better Leader it is an imperative to lead with honesty even when it is uncomfortable.
“Great leaders understand that their job is to help others improve. They prioritize growth over popularity & accountability over comfort” says Fournier.
Be willing to pay the price
Most people want to be liked. If you disagree just ask yourself (& answer honestly) if you care about other peoples perceptions. Truth is that most of us do care what others think about us. If we didn’t we probably wouldn’t bother much with our self-care, wardrobes, etc.
Get In Touch With JP
Prior to his time with Kashbox, JP spent 28 years as an NCAA Lacrosse Coach (22 years as a Head Coach). During that span, JP had the opportunity to coach with & against some of the top lacrosse coaches in the country.
The easy thing to do when attempting to be liked is to say what others want to hear. It’s really easy to give a compliment, avoid conflict, & move on. It’s a whole different thing to give criticism, create tension, & address it in the moment. Not criticism for the sake of criticizing, but real, honest critique that will benefit the person receiving it. Michael Jordan was famously cut from his High-School Varsity basketball team as a sophomore. I’m sure it would have been easier for the Coach, MJ, & the Jordan family if he had made the team that year. But how much would that have benefited him in the future? Nobody will ever know for sure, but I bet a big reason for MJ’s success on the court came from that disappointment in the 10th grade. As Fournier continues in her book Daily Wisdom “The challenge of leadership is allowing yourself to be misunderstood & disliked for the sake of the other person’s growth. That’s the sacrifice of winning & leadership. Be willing to pay the price.”
Don’t be the type of Leader who just goes with the flow, who tells their people just what is easy & convenient. Embrace the opportunities to have hard conversations. Honesty & transparency will only benefit both parties (the person giving feedback & the person receiving feedback). The initial reactions may be a little unpleasant, but don’t waver. Stand firm & strong. Communicate that you are saying what you feel for the good of the other person. While they may resist at first, eventually they will see the good that can (& most likely will) come out of it.
Take out only what you’re willing to put in
I can still hear the song “Sirius” by the Alan Parsons Project as MJ & his Chicago Bulls teammates were introduced pregame. I can see Coach Phil Jackson coolly stalking the sidelines while MJ, Scottie, the Worm, & Ron Harper dapped each other up before taking the court. What great players, what a great team. So much fun to watch.
I wish I coulda been in those locker rooms, in those huddles, in those practices to see the level of commitment. To see the drive behind the winning.
What I didn’t realize then was the sheer force of will that Jordan installed over those teams. He was infatuated with winning, & he chose to do everything in his power to put himself & his team in position to win.
He worked tirelessly in the weightroom when it became apparent that he wasn’t strong enough to defeat the bad boy Detroit Pistons. He worked tirelessly on his fadeaway jumper when it became apparent that he needed a go-to shot.
Those are skills that are easy for any fan to see if they so choose.
What set him apart though, & what I wish I had studied a little more closely at the time, was his ferocious commitment to demanding the best out of those surrounding him. He stepped on toes at times. He hurt feelings at times. He wasn’t always the first guy invited out to dinner following games. But he won, & that’s what he wanted most.
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He was willing to put in the extra effort – weightroom, shooting reps, etc. So by doing the extras that others weren’t willing to do he not only ascended the basketball ladder to greatness he also empowered himself as a leader to demand the same from his teammates. He was willing to pay the price, so he earned the platform to demand the same commitment from his teammates.
If MJ had not been willing to give that extra effort then his demands most likely would have fallen on deaf ears. Maybe his teammates would listen & nod along, but they most likely would not have put in the time & effort to reciprocate.
This is the unseen beauty behind great Leadership:
- A Leader who is willing to do whatever it is that they ask from their people
- A Leader who isn’t afraid of tough, honest conversations
- A Leader who is transparent with their goals & mission
Gimme that kinda leader, & sign me up Coach!
Along with his responsibilities as an NCAA Coach, JP has also been a small-business owner for the past 22 years. He founded & built a successful lacrosse camp business that, in addition to camps, expanded into travel teams, clinics, lessons, & consultations.
In both of his careers as an NCAA Coach & small-business owner, JP has helped to teach, coach, mentor, & develop hundreds of players & coaches.
