I’ll never forget the conversation. My direct report (boss) at the time told me to do something that I hadn’t thought would be possible: “JP, make sure you keep up with your daily workouts & make sure you keep surfing. You’re going to have to take care of yourself 1st because if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to take care of them.”
I had just had one of the most difficult conversations I’d ever had to have. My family was going through some unexpected, dramatic turmoil, & my responsibilities were taking on a major overhaul. I was going from the traditional co-parenting scenario with my wife for our 3 young daughters to a world where I needed to take complete charge of them, full-time, all-the-time. As a Dad to three young girls, a husband, an NCAA Lacrosse Coach, & small-business owner I wasn’t sure how I was going to pull it off. So, I had to talk to my boss about my new reality including my concerns about being able to do my job. I felt like my job at the time would be impossible to continue on with as my duties & responsibilities at home had completely changed.
Instead my boss calmly assured me that we would make it work, & that I needed to focus on not just my daughters but also on myself, on my self-care. I’ll never forget her remarks about my daily workouts & surfing. In my mind there was no way I would find the time to continue these 2 activities that I’d come to rely on, to thrive on. Something was going to have to give schedule-wise, & these 2 activities would probably be the 1st to go (at least in my mind). But here she was insisting that I prioritize these things because she knew that I needed them as part of my life.
It was then that I realized how true it was that without taking care of yourself it is impossible to take care of others.
The exact same thing can be said in the Leadership business: If you don’t (or can’t) lead yourself, then there is no way you can effectively lead others.
Leadership is a skill. It’s a skill that can be developed, just like any physical skill. A jump-shooter in basketball can improve his or her shooting through hard work, repetition, & skill development just like a leader can improve their leadership skills using these same tools.
Leaders are made, not born. Leaders lead in many different ways – some vocal, some by example. Leaders know that the process & the value of that process is more important than the outcome. Leaders understand & embrace the fact that growth happens by doing & overcoming hard things, obstacles.
Leadership isn’t about your title or how many people you are in charge of. Instead, leadership is about whether or not you are in control of your own attitude, habits, effort, & emotions. Essentially, at its core, leadership really focuses on 1 person: YOU!
How to Lead Yourself
Regardless of your leadership experience you can always improve. For some that improvement may come through experience, practice, or habits. For others it may be about improvement through change. Regardless of where you are in your Leadership journey, regardless of who or what it is that you are leading there is always one area that you can improve upon: leading yourself.
Lead yourself better by:
- Embrace competition; don’t avoid it or run from it.
- Never quit. Practice perseverance.
- Demand a strong work ethic from yourself; especially in those moments when nobody is watching or keeping score.
- Don’t hesitate to speak up.
- Relate to people from different backgrounds.
- Believe in yourself. Bet on yourself!
- Surround yourself with the right people; those who are aligned with your core values & principles.
- Choose purpose-driven principles
- Focus on what’s next
- Create a structure with a clearly defined direction
- Be accountable
- Focus on your process over your results (& enjoy the process!!!)
- Get comfortable being uncomfortable
- Understand that mistakes are nothing more than lessons learned
How to Read to Lead
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The Journey Forward
If you concentrate on some (if not all) of these things I think you’ll find that you are leading yourself better than before, & if that happens you can now truly embrace the challenge of leading others. That challenge can come in all shapes & forms, & everyone will have their own ways of tackling those challenges.
To lead is to gather a group, organize that group, & unite that group into a quest for a common goal. Regardless of how unified & similar that group may be, leading them in one cohesive direction will be a challenge. Individuals present many challenges, even more so when a group of individuals are tasked with working together. To find a common goal, & to inspire the group towards that common goal will challenge any leader. It’s a challenge that any good leader will welcome & embrace.
To embrace that challenge the good leader will recognize the importance of culture, & also that culture within any organization carries more weight than any amount of talent. That’s right; culture trumps talent in any high-performing organization.
The ability to manage your emotions is paramount to good leadership. As a leader one cannot allow their emotions to get the best of them. While reacting to a situation may be the easy thing to do in the heat of the moment, the best will use their discipline to pause before reacting or acting. Emotional intelligence, different from intellect, will carry the best leaders through numerous challenges.
Keep in mind that as a person & as a leader, you have control over your mind (not the other way around). As disappointing or upsetting as the daily news can become it does not control you. You control what information to digest, but also how to digest that information. Nobody can force you to perceive something a certain way – only you can control your perceptions.
As a leader using your perceptions to control negative emotions that can negatively affect those you lead is crucial to your success. Perception is reality so they say, so practice using your perception to combat negative emotions such as anxiety or stress.
Keep things balanced in your life. As a leader, balance will be important to your (& your team’s) success.
Reinvent yourself & your situation on a regular basis. Life is all about change, so embrace the opportunities that life constantly presents us to change, grow, & evolve. By doing these things you will continually be reinventing yourself. Allow this to happen; seek these opportunities for reinvention out – they will keep you young, sharp, & fresh. All great attributes for any leader.
Self, not Selfish
I like to reflect back on that difficult conversation I once had with my boss. I was already a few years into my Leadership journey as a Dad, husband, business-owner, & an NCAA Coach. Looking back I realize now that there were many Leadership skills that I was good at, but I also realize how far I still needed to go on my Leadership journey.
At that point in my life & career I was so uber-focused on others in my life & how to lead them. At home I was completely focused on my wife & daughters; I did what needed to be done to take the best possible care of them. At work I had a team-first mentality, & put myself behind the needs of my team.
Nothing wrong with either of these. But, looking back I realize how little I paid attention to myself, & what it was that I needed to do to take care of me. This is a trap I bet many newer, younger leaders fall into – I know I did. While I thought I was doing right by the people I was leading at home & at work, I now realize that by overlooking myself I wasn’t able to lead my people or team as well as I could have.
Get In Touch With JP
Prior to his time with Kashbox, JP spent 28 years as an NCAA Lacrosse Coach (22 years as a Head Coach). During that span, JP had the opportunity to coach with & against some of the top lacrosse coaches in the country.
That conversation still comes back to me, & I am so very thankful for it. My boss probably didn’t even realize how much wisdom, knowledge, & expertise she was pouring into me with that very simple comment, with that great piece of advice: “You’re going to have to take care of yourself 1st because if you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to take care of them.”
The lightbulb that went off inside my head was real, & it opened my way of thinking about leadership up to a whole new approach. I did continue, even on my busiest days, to keep up with my workouts. I kept getting in the water for surfs as often as I possibly could. Those things, for me, work. I’m better on days that I get a workout in. I’m better on days when I get to surf. By being a better version of myself, I was able to be the best Dad I possibly could be. I was able to be the best Coach for my team that I possibly could be. It all started with a little self-care, & I now know that I improved my Leadership during this time.
So, on your continued Leadership journey, continue to put those you lead 1st. Take care of them. Serve their wants & needs. But don’t forget about the person who is leading – the person staring back at you in the mirror. Do positive things for yourself today – maybe it’s a workout or a surf. Maybe it’s some isolated, solitude time spent in gratitude or reflection. Maybe it’s 15 minutes of reading.
Whatever it is for you, find it, do it, & understand that by doing so you are leading the most important person you’ll ever lead: YOURSELF! Once you lead yourself effectively then you are ready to lead others with effect & purpose. Enjoy the journey!
Along with his responsibilities as an NCAA Coach, JP has also been a small-business owner for the past 22 years. He founded & built a successful lacrosse camp business that, in addition to camps, expanded into travel teams, clinics, lessons, & consultations.
In both of his careers as an NCAA Coach & small-business owner, JP has helped to teach, coach, mentor, & develop hundreds of players & coaches.
