Kashbox Coach Note: Leadership Coaching
One of the most prevalent problems employees say they face is a leader prone to anger. Anger is the most destructive of the many possible emotions exhibited by leaders. Each year, millions of employees either disengage from their jobs or leave them entirely due to their inability to endure their leader’s anger.
Anger at the leadership level is an age-old issue that has improved little despite a greater focus in recent years on self-assessment, workplace behavior, and anger management. Leaders who have learned to control their anger have experienced amazing responses from their people as efficiencies, morale, and engagement climb significantly. The key is to understand the various aspects of anger. Leadership coaching can help leaders learn how to control their temper and become better leaders.
Sources of Anger
Noted sociologist Dr. Millard Bienvenu claimed that anger is prompted by a perceived threat that has a personal impact. Anger is a response to the threat and can be observable or hidden, sudden or delayed.
Threats can represent various levels of impact, influencing the degree of response. On the extreme scale, threats can pose physical danger, personally or to someone you care about. An intermediate threat level might be an imposition or setback, troubling or gravely disappointing. This could involve a ruined plan or a denial of something felt deserved. A lower level of threat might be manifested in an inconvenience or annoyance. Waiting longer than expected in a line or an untimely traffic jam would fit this category.
Threats can also be subdued or subtle; in these situations, the recipient feels unfairly treated. These situations can instill a sense of not being valued or appreciated. Threats like these cut deeply, affecting one’s self-esteem, perhaps the most potent threat. We typically respond with anger when people indicate we have little value.
The first step to conquer anger is recognizing its source each time it raises its ugly head. Connect the prompt and your response to identify what events trip your wire.
Recognize the Anger
As you pinpoint the issues that trigger anger, stop and assess their effects on you. Anger always has an impact. Anger that isn’t resolved can cause resentment, anxiety, bitterness, depression, stress, fatigue, health issues, or a general coldness to people. All of these are detrimental to your productivity and leadership. In his 2014 Harvard Business Review article, ” What to Do When Anger Takes Hold, ” Peter Bregman advises leaders to sense negative feelings and work through them. Better choices are possible when the causes and effects of feelings are understood.
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The way anger changes you damages your relationships. It also negatively affects everyone else. People try to avoid angry coworkers, which strains communication and collaboration. Work is challenging enough without walls between people. Employees who are wondering when the next outburst will come from their leader will take no risks, make no extra efforts, and be willing to make decisions. They will play it safe and avoid any wrath they can.
A leader prone to anger will find their reputation and security threatening. With a staff leery of their leader’s mood, the team’s productivity suffers. People are not engaged with their work. Some of them will look for other jobs, creating a turnover problem. When an anger-prone leader drives people away, everyone notices, including higher executives. Leadership coaching can help angry leaders gain control of their emotions and get their teams back into productivity.
Thoughtful reflection helps recognize any of these trends. Comparing your responses today to those of the past may shed light on the transformation. Be honest with yourself. The first step to improve is to see the need. Get feedback from a trusted colleague or family member. Your anger issue is certainly noticed. Be an accepting listener and make it a safe conversation for them to have.
Leadership Coaching: An Effective Approach to Dealing with Anger
The most powerful step in conquering anger is admitting the problem. Acknowledging the issue’s seriousness and its detrimental effects will determine whether you can overcome them. Part of the honesty you have with yourself is to avoid blaming others. No one has the power to make you angry. It’s a choice you make. No other people, objects, or circumstances are responsible.
A good step following admission is determining why you choose anger as a response. Ask yourself if you had a role to play in the situation. Did the incident originate with your behavior or words? Assess the way you treat people. The trigger for your anger may originate with your actions, but all you can see are the actions of others.
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Looking at the threats themselves can provide insight. Try to evaluate why you feel threatened enough to express anger. Think through the circumstances and apply reasoning. You will likely conclude that the threats aren’t severe enough to warrant an angry response. In the grand scheme of things, what upsets you is probably relatively minor in nature. Looking through this relative lens may offer a more stable perspective for your mind. What could be the worst outcome? Mentally preparing for it takes the edge off when difficulty strikes. These steps help you shake off more issues and recover on a higher road.
When you consider the things you find annoying and anger-inducing, are they unusual or fairly typical? Lines at checkouts grow all the time. Traffic jams are a part of life. Expect them, and don’t let them get to you. The world is full of difficulties. Lowering your expectations of a hassle-free life will allow you to handle the frustrations and disappointments with less tension. A greater sense of peace diminishes the tendency for anger.
You can take these steps to adjust to setbacks, measure your responses, consider others, and conquer your anger. As a leader, you owe your people the best environment possible.
Creator of the KASHBOX: Knowledge, Attitude, Skills, Habits
Helping You Realize Your Potential
I help people discover their potential, expand and develop the skills and attitudes necessary to achieve a higher degree of personal and professional success and create a plan that enables them to balance the profit motives of their business with the personal motives of their lives.
