Overturn Negative Thinking

There is nothing more detrimental to an organization than a leader with a negative mindset. In their view, efforts are rarely good enough, things just don’t ever seem to go right, plans will likely fail, people are unreliable, or problems are beyond fixing. 

Do you work with or report to someone like this? Or, more importantly, are you known for being a person like this? If so, there are ways to address it.

Negative thinking, sometimes seen as pessimism, can be a pervasive handicap, not only for a leader, but also for everyone down the line. Organizations with a negative attitude at the top will end up in ruin, according to John Maxwell, author of the book entitled, Attitude 101: What Every Leader Needs to Know (2003, Thomas Nelson).

Negative and positive thoughts have a way of fulfilling themselves, since our beliefs, hopes, fears, plans, responses, and abilities are shaped by how we think. Of all people, it’s the leader whose mindset has the greatest impact, making this the most critical area to be addressed, for the benefit of all.

Effects of Negativity

Negative thinking is generally caused by anxieties, which in turn have their roots in emotionally damaging experiences, either in childhood or adulthood. Continual disappointments, stresses, or pain tend to lead to a negative mentality over time, and this would be tough enough if only one person were affected.

But the greatest tragedy of a leader’s negativity is that it affects everything and everyone. Attitudes spread quickly, often leaving no trace of a source. They go unnoticed, as a subtle, silent killer.

Teamwork is destroyed when negativity causes people to dislike each other, find fault with each other and resist each other. Performance and progress are inevitably slashed. Productivity, quality and delivery follow a similar demise. Turnover and burnout are inevitable.

In short, bad thinking generates more bad thinking and bad responses lead to more bad responses. If it isn’t dealt with in a timely manner, the cliff can’t be avoided.

Assess Your Thoughts

As situations impact you, try to take a step back and sense what’s happening. What kinds of thoughts come to mind? Are they negative?

A tougher challenge is to determine the legitimacy of your perspective. Are your thoughts based on the facts of past experiences or just your impressions of them? Are you letting stories replay themselves in your head to influence your viewpoint? It’s easy to do. Ask yourself if what you’re experiencing is really that bad. It rarely is.

Recognize that past negative outcomes seem more prominent in our minds than positive ones, thus people tend to more heavily emphasize the negative. Realize that you are just as vulnerable to this trait as everyone else.

This can help you question the validity of negative thoughts or impressions. Maybe they’re flawed. Try to set them off at a distance, just for a moment, and give them a subjective evaluation. Seek a true sense of reality.

Many leaders don’t make the effort to do this. It’s simply easier to complain or brood. Rather, work through the issue. Let an experienced coach help you. You can become consistently conscious of your thought process, giving you the beneficial ability to step back and assess.

Take a Look at Your Responses

Think back to similar circumstances and try to see a pattern of how you responded. Does this specific issue always set you off, or make you feel defeated? Did every attempt to follow a similar plan result in failure? Did you get blamed every time things like this didn’t work out? This review can help you realize that the answer is no.

Psychologist and author Martin Seligman, known for his work in the subject of positive psychology, is a pioneer of this approach. A pattern of negative behavior, once identified, can be challenged. Injecting realism, especially with the insight of others, will help with a fair comparison of past negative and positive experiences.

By exposing negative thoughts as invalid, they lose their power. Positive viewpoints are given more credit, resulting in a broader, balanced perspective. There is no need to automatically fall back to a negative mentality, as it certainly does no good.

Reframe Your Thinking

With a rational approach of exposing some negative thinking as false, positive thoughts can fill the gap. With enough practice, negative thinking can be disconnected from the routine. You can acknowledge that it’s detrimental to you (and everyone else), and it should raise a red flag.

Your review of the past proved that good things did happen, and they can again. Your past difficulties don’t necessarily impact your future challenges. It may seem like another trial is coming your way, and it smells familiar. But strive for a positive way to look at it. Put to work what you learned in the past to forge a better viewpoint.

Dwelling on the negative will never help you overcome any trial. Let the negative angst go. Trying to wrestle with it only invites it to continue to jab at you.

A Leader’s Responsibility

As a leader, your role is to rally your people to a common vision, by helping them attain their goals. You can’t do this with a negative mindset. You owe them the most positive experience possible, so everyone can succeed together.

Think not only of yourself in your mission to overturn negative thinking. Think of them. They’re looking to you to lead them well. That’s a big calling. It can only be fulfilled effectively from a positive frame of mind, which is contagious.

With a more realistic perspective and the valuable input of others, you can adjust your viewpoint, approach, and actions. You no longer need to assume that things will always be painful, but legitimately believe things can, and will, get better.

Making Friends at Work

If you have friends at work you most likely enjoy your job more. But did you know that you make better decisions, are more engaged in your work, more committed, and productive?
Making friends at work is more important than we give credit. Workplace friendships are one of the strongest predictors of productivity, according to research. Psychologist Ron Friedman points out in his book The Best Place To Work, managers don’t often recognize the importance of workplace friendships.
“It’s because it’s easy to confuse the concept of friends at the office with the notion of fooling around,” Friedman explains. “Close friendships are perceived as a source of gossip, favoritism, and distraction. But that’s exactly the wrong way to think about what happens when we’re working with friends.”
It turns out that meaningful connections are vital to our psychological and physical well-being. In fact, it’s impossible to perform at our best unless we feel connected to others.
But making friends at work isn’t always easy. Work relationships can be complicated by notions of hierarchy and perceived utilitarian motives. Efforts to befriend someone can feel forced.
When we meet another person for the first time, it’s a defining moment in how that relationship will develop. On a neurological basis, the human brain instantly picks up clues to whether a person is friend or foe.
We select which coworker relationships to cultivate. Friendships at work are different than those in other contexts. The culture of the organization most likely has unspoken rules about appropriate social contacts.
Three Types of Friendships
Aristotle described three kinds of friends that meet different purposes.

  1. Friendships based on utility: people connect and maintain their relationship based on mutual benefits.
  2. Friendships based on pleasure: The relationship is based on mutual enjoyment and emotional rapport.
  3. Friendships based on good: People connect and support one another based on shared goals and values. Elements of both utility and pleasure are combined in this third type of friendship.

The Golden Rule of Friendship
According to author Jack Schafer, Ph.D., in his book The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over, many of us make friends by using this unspoken rule:
The Golden Rule of Friendship – if you want people to like you, make them feel good about themselves.
The Golden Rule of Friendship serves as the key to all successful relationships, whether they are of short, medium or long duration. This vital skill sounds easy, but may require practice.
People gravitate toward individuals who make them happy and tend to avoid people who bring them discomfort. This seems so obvious that we assume we always act accordingly, but we don’t. What gets in the way is our own ego.
At our core, we see ourselves as important and worthy of attention. We like to impress others. But if we want to appear friendly and attractive to others, we must forgo our ego and pay attention to the other person and their needs and circumstances.
Other people will like you when you make them the focus of attention. In our busy work days, we tend to focus on what we want and need, so we aren’t paying enough attention to what others want.
Ironically, other people will be eager to fulfill your wants and needs if they like you.
Friends and Self-Disclosure
For two people to deeply connect, it’s not enough to just talk shop—both people need to share personal details about themselves. And as the relationship grows, the level of self-disclosure needs to grow.
When researchers from Washington State University interviewed coworkers about how they became friends, they discovered a pattern of self-disclosure that included sharing problems from one’s personal, home, and work life.
In a competitive work environment, sharing emotionally sensitive information can lead to awkward situations. Author Rachel Gillett suggests an eight-step process for self-disclosure in an article in Business Insider, How to Make Friends at Work (January 2016).
Here’s how to open up the right way in the workplace:

  1. Start on a positive note: While sharing personal stories helps strengthen a relationship, it’s best to start with a foundation of positive experiences before divulging more sensitive information. Your first few conversations with a colleague are crucial. Everyone pays attention to first impressions, and so your early interactions should aim to show warmth and skill—not divulge personal sensitivities.
  2. Don’t rush the process: Self-disclosure is not something you want to rush into. By starting small, sharing incrementally, and slowly moving towards divulging more emotionally sensitive information, you become more confident that your sharing is mutual.
  3. Keep interactions positive: As a general rule of thumb, for every negative discussion you have, there should be five positive discussions. This offsets whining, and prevents conversations from becoming gripe sessions.
  4. Look for similarities: Similarity is a basic building block of friendship. Find subjects of interests you have in common with your colleagues, whether they be sports, Netflix series, children, or hobbies.
  5. Find areas of common struggles: Conversations can also center on collaborative assignments where you and your colleague need one another to succeed.
  6. Open up to non-work topics: The more people talk about non-work topics, the more likely they are to be friends. Rather than always talking about your boss or impossible deadlines, consider talking about your plans this weekend, family activities, or your newest hobby.
  7. Share outside of work: Focus the more private aspects of your friendship to off-work hours. While at work, be inclusively friendly with everyone in the office.
  8. Evaluate the friendship together: Discuss your friendship with one another, especially concerning any boundaries that might be important to either of you at work.

Do you have friends at work? If you’d like to deepen friendships, try these suggestions.

The Dangers of Ego in Leadership

“Ego is the invisible line item on every company’s profit and loss statement.”
—David Marcum and Steven Smith in egonomics: What Makes Ego Our Greatest Asset (or Most Expensive Liability), Fireside, 2007

Nothing can be more debilitating in an organization than a leader with an ego. If you work for a leader driven by ego, your ability to cope can be pushed to the limit. In organizations, leaders with out-of-control egos are responsible for huge losses in productivity and profits.

In today’s culture that promotes self-worth and self-focus, egotism appears to be a growing trend that often gets rewarded. However, outsized egos are behind the struggle organizations have in keeping good people, doing the right thing, earning the trust of customers, and enjoying long-term prosperity.

Egotism is easy to spot, but its effects are hard to understand, and solutions are challenging. A definition of an egotist is someone focused on themselves with little regard for others. Egotists have an unhealthy belief in their own importance.

Author Ryan Holiday, in his book, Ego Is The Enemy (Penguin, 2016), defines ego as a sense of superiority and certainty that exceeds the bounds of confidence and talent.  Ego is what drives many leaders to excel in their fields, but it leaves them (and their organizations) vulnerable to failure. In a world of ambition with high rewards for success, big egos seem to come with the territory. But for effective leaders who want to build sustainable success, ego is the inner enemy.

The Inner Struggles of Leaders with Big Egos

For any leader, the risks of big ego are magnified. An inflated perception of oneself distorts reality, both inwardly and outwardly.

  • Egotists regard themselves as superior, set apart from everyone else.
  • They are entitled and important simply because they want to be.
  • They know everything, or at least don’t believe they can be taught anything of significance in their immediate world.
  • With a rear-view-mirror perspective, they rely on past accomplishments, convinced these are enough to carry them wherever they want to go.

Because of the need to protect their sense of superiority, egotists are disconnected from the world, often naïve about its workings. In their minds, everything is simplified to conform to their personal perceptions. They are blind to “uncooperative” agents, or refuse to deal with them. They refashion the truth to better support their ego. This causes the egotist to carve out a false life to be lived out in a false world. The resulting blind spots lead to a distorted worldview and behaviors that aren’t appropriate or effective.

Since it can’t be their fault when things don’t go their way, egotists resent the people or systems they feel have let them down. They may adopt a persecution mentality, playing the victim of “unfair” treatment. Caught up with distorted thoughts and imagery, they ratchet up the superiority even more, to regain position.

Unintentionally, the egotist places a barrier between themselves and the world. Their self-serving frame of mind always wants more. Even with no scores to settle, they have a need to win all the time, at the expense of others.

Within this self-constructed worldview, they distinguish themselves (the deserved winner) from the losers. The egotist believes they are the center of everyone’s thoughts and critique. Always envied, always judged, the egotist responds to this self-appointed status with various behaviors of defensiveness, rashness, or inconsideration.

The Outer Symptoms of Egotism

Leaders with big egos not only affect the people they work with, but the productivity of the whole organization suffers. Because of the egotist’s disinterest in other viewpoints, they cannot work constructively with those who disagree. They can’t accept or learn from feedback, and it doesn’t take long for feedback to be stifled altogether. A distorted take on reality leads to the egotist’s overconfidence in tackling major challenges.

The effects of leaders with big egos cause great pain throughout the organization. The egotistical leader:

  • Will only hear what they want to hear, creating blindness to truth. They surround themselves with “yes-men” who outwardly resonate with the leader. The real issues aren’t evaluated and thus strategies are misguided.
  • Is indecisive, because they believe that action is not required as threats are downplayed or dismissed.
  • Underestimates challenges due to lack of understanding. The problems grow worse and merge into higher categories of trouble.
  • Takes on daunting tasks without preparation or the ability to solve them, because they see them as less threatening than they really are.
  • Does not relate to the needs of the other people, and doesn’t bother to motivate, teach, or lead them. They don’t prioritize the people who do the work and engage with customers.
  • Acts persecuted or rejected when people disagree or leave the organization.
  • Does not reflect on personal shortcomings because it would interfere with their need to feel superior. Their blind spots go unaddressed, and eventually people stop bringing them up.
  • Does not see available opportunities for the organization because of an internal focus on their own needs. 

It’s not difficult to grasp that these symptoms of leadership ego eventually lead to overriding problems that can be difficult to reverse. Teamwork and loyalty are compromised. Creativity, learning, and growth are significantly limited. Opportunities and expectations are missed. Customer retention is jeopardized. Employee turnover rises and the prospects for success fall.
 
Taking Ground Back from Egotism

Egotism in leadership can be countered. But it takes a deliberate effort on the part of leaders to refocus and see things from a wider view. Trained coaches can be an excellent resource to guide leaders to a helpful perspective. In some cases, a leader can only make progress on becoming less egotistical through working with an experienced professional.

An effective leader requires a life of balance. Some ego tendencies are beneficial. Boldness and confidence are certainly assets in forging direction and inspiring followers. But these tendencies must be kept in check and proportioned with other important leadership attributes.

To minimize the unhealthy effects of ego, a leader must find a conscious balance between:

  • Strengths and weaknesses
  • Ambition and caution
  • Confidence and doubt
  • Foresight and hindsight
  • Boldness and accountability
  • Inspiration and being grounded
  • Personal needs and the needs of others

A leader needs to optimize the art of self-management, where they can suppress and channel ego when needed. This takes an awareness of the danger signs. It takes an accurate self-assessment, where they can see themselves from a distance. Detaching from false assumptions and their influences is key in this, as is recognizing and resisting the temptations. It always feels good to satisfy the inner cravings of self-importance, but danger is never far away.

An important aspect of correcting egotistical tendencies is learning about emotional intelligence. Improving EQ requires a leader to properly substitute humility for ego. This is a vital skill in subduing the effects of ego. It is a difficult transition for a leader to make, but with the proper support and training, it can be done.

A key practice is to recognize the viewpoints of others. No one can see themselves objectively enough to override all their blind spots. Asking for feedback and getting help is an important weapon a leader can use to defeat egotist tendencies.

Principles That Subdue Egotism

Author Holiday makes the case for several guiding principles leaders can use in overcoming their natural self-importance attitudes. Every leader who’s caught in the egotist condition will need help trusting and applying these principles.

  • The egotistical leader is good at talking big. But big talk is a front that the egotist uses to sidestep true accomplishment. Nothing brings a lofty talker down to earth quite like a serious and thoughtful plan to meet a complex goal. It takes a sober mind and a humble assessment of capabilities to pull off a victory. It’s victories, not talk, that make a leader successful. 
  • A leader with an ego believes that their mission is to win and succeed over others. But they need to realize the only meaningful mission in life is to pursue a purpose larger than themselves. The choice is to live by a calling rather than by what can be acquired. This takes another choice: to be selfless over selfish. A record of accomplishments is what leaders are admired for, not who they think they are. History bears this out repeatedly.
  • Egotistical leaders can’t learn anything if they think they already know everything. A key to successful leadership is to agree that no one knows everything they need to know to be the best they can be. Continuous learning is the only way to succeed. The smartest leaders of all time were smart enough to know there were things they still needed to learn. The best leaders acknowledge that there are always leaders who are better. They know how to swallow pride, get feedback, admit shortcomings, and learn. Then they get busy.
  • History doesn’t deceive. Egotistical leaders benefit by appreciating the historic truth that greatness starts with humble beginnings. This requires that they learn and grow without drawing attention to themselves. True success comes through serving others and providing a value people seek. This, not any self-proclaimed worth, builds one’s reputation and demand. Helping oneself is best attained by helping others. This requires a humble heart and the setting aside of ego.

Ego is a liar that distorts reality. The leader who can ignore the tempting thoughts and images that have been distorting their perspectives to make them feel important will have the best chance of shaking their egotistical ways. They need a clearer, more honest picture of what’s happening around them. That’s best done through other points of view.

Leaders will see their people rally behind them if they can adopt these principles, reframe their mindsets and habits, and earn the trust needed to effectively prosper their people and their organizations.

Finding Future Leaders: Why Personality Matters

Given the financial and societal impact of global business, there’s an urgent need to understand leaders’ personalities. If we fail to appreciate how personality influences strategic decisions, we risk selecting leaders who are incapable of setting an organization’s direction.

We are in the midst of great social, economic, scientific and political change. Intelligent approaches count more than ever if we’re to build sustainable results in rapidly changing, complex markets. The way we choose strategic plans is influenced by leaders’ personality, priorities and worldview.

Today’s leaders must excel at managing globalization’s systemic challenges. There’s no such thing as economic or political insularity. Every society’s problems affect the international community.

There’s no going back. Business cannot return to the leadership that was effective decades ago. If we’re to move forward, leaders must strive for economic success and the well-being of workers, customers and the environment.

Across the globe there’s growing political unrest, terrorism, climate change, economic disparities among nations and health-care needs for an aging population. If these issues aren’t sufficiently daunting, companies are dealing with continuous invention and experimentation. There’s a technology surplus today; we have invented much more than practical applications require.

The next 20 years will see radical advances in nanotechnology, genomics and gene therapy, robotics, artificial intelligence, bioscience, bioengineered agriculture, environmental and energy research, and medicine. Will our organizations’ leaders rise to meet the challenges?

For progress to occur in nondestructive ways, we need strong, visionary leaders who can unleash the power of emerging technologies and manage global diversity for the benefit of the common good.

But the way we’ve chosen leaders over the last 50 years may not serve us well in coming decades. We used to be a manufacturing society, with leaders who excelled at processes that could be replicated, measured and improved. Operations were key to success, and leaders tended to be obsessive, “by the book,” and conservative. They preserved order and maintained company values.

In contrast, 75% of today’s employees provide services. They’re knowledge workers who perform mental tasks instead of assembling product parts. Companies need leaders who can engage the workforce, manage people, and inspire collaboration and innovation.

Why Personality Type Matters

Evaluation of leadership personality types is an essential part of the selection process for CEOs and top executives. Most of us intuitively recognize different personality types. We routinely notice personality quirks in coworkers that baffle us, challenging our responses and relationships.

Personality typing is not an intellectual pursuit for psychologists, nor a parlor game that helps us get along with others. Leaders in charge of developing business strategies set priorities based on their personality type and innate drives.

Many popular assessment tools reveal personality preference, including the Myers-Briggs Indicator, DISC personal assessment tool and 16 Personality Factor Questionnaire. Each is useful, yet few of us have a precise understanding of what they divulge.

Leadership selection can no longer be based solely on one’s prior experience or successes. Yesterday’s challenges (productivity, profit, efficiency) remain critical, but today’s leaders must also grapple with new technologies, global diversity, and political and environmental instability.

Basic Personality Types

Freud pioneered our understanding of human nature with his classification of three personality types: erotic, obsessive and narcissistic. One of his students, psychologist Erich Fromm, added a fourth type: the marketing personality.

These terms are somewhat misleading because of their negative connotations. The four types are classified according to what drives people and how they achieve a sense of security.

Erotics” (not a sexual term) are driven by love, a need to care for others and, in return, be loved and appreciated. These individuals are relationship-oriented. Some management theorists call this personality type “enabling,” while others name it “amiable,” “diplomatic,” “supportive” or “compliant.” Erotics are often found in education, social services and health care, but they exist in every field. When they are most productive, they bring people together, making connections and facilitating collaboration. They seldom turn down a favor or someone in need. The downside to this personality is codependency and indecisiveness.

Obsessives” are driven by a need for security, consistency, rules and logical order. You’ll spot them in every field—especially government bureaucracies, engineering firms, and law and financial offices. As leaders, they focus on operations, details and numbers. They’re often called “analytical,” “detail oriented” or “numbers people.” Obsessives are guided by rules set by some higher authority (a father figure, strict conscience or “the way things have always been done”). Most middle managers and some top executives are obsessives, especially CFOs, COOs and some CEOs. The most productive obsessives are viewed as “systematic” or ”analytical.”

Obsessives often hold the Number 2 position to a narcissistic CEO—an unbeatable combination of narcissistic vision and obsessive implementation. The problems associated with the obsessive personality type are well known:

  • They become mired in details and rules.
  • They lose sight of overall goals.
  • They’re more concerned with doing things “the right way” than doing the right thing.
  • They may become control freaks and/or micromanagers.
  • They resist change to the point of obsolescence.
  • They can be rigid, judgmental and cheap.
  • They insist on being right.

The “marketing personality” describes people who, as the name implies, adapt to the market’s demands. They’re driven by the need to be accepted and fit into society. They sense what the market wants and needs, and they conform to it. They align themselves with key people, thrive on change and seek others’ approval. Most of us adopt some of these aspects to survive in today’s volatile workplace. The biggest challenge with marketing types is their lack of a firm center and continual anxiety. They favor style over substance, spend a lot of energy selling themselves or chasing the next shiny thing, and may be incapable of fully committing to anything or anyone.

Narcissists” are driven by the need to be unique, express their creativity and achieve greatness, and they’re readily spotted in leadership positions. The term carries a negative connotation, but it was originally meant to be descriptive (neither good nor bad). A narcissist can be productive (or not) and moral (or not). We often misuse the term, applying it to leaders who are egocentric, greedy, self-aggrandizing, and of little benefit to their organizations and colleagues. A productive narcissist may be viewed as a visionary leader.

Narcissists’ need to achieve greatness overrides everything else. They seldom listen to others and often show little interest in their coworkers (except for those who can help them get what they want). Few social controls are built into their mental model of how the world works. They aren’t worried about conscience or losing others’ love or respect, and they don’t bend to peer pressure or what the public wants.

The narcissist has few internal demands to do the right thing. He answers to himself as to what is right, decides what he values and determines what gives him a sense of meaning.

While the other personality types are deeply motivated to do whatever it takes to maintain their sense of security, narcissists never garner security from relationships or skills. Rather, they recruit people to join them in their worldview.

There’s a case to be made for narcissistic CEOs who can lead companies to greatness, inspire followers and achieve game-changing solutions in our rapidly changing world.

“It is narcissistic leaders who take us to places we’ve never been before, who innovate, who build empires out of nothing.” ~ Michael Maccoby, Narcissistic Leaders: Who Succeeds and Who Fails (Crown Business, 2012).

The Productive Personality Types

All personality types have positive and negative potentials that can be described in terms of two hierarchies: productiveness and moral reasoning.

Productive vs. Nonproductive: Productive individuals are healthier than less developed, or even disturbed, personalities. A productive person is active and enthusiastic—someone who bounces back from failure and perseveres to achieve a reasoned purpose.

In contrast, unproductive people are less free and more reactive. They lack a clear purpose and are driven by addictive needs that make them fearful and dependent.

Moral Reasoning: Higher levels of moral reasoning don’t guarantee that actions will always have their intended benefits; however, we want leaders who seek to achieve a common good, not just feather their own nests.

While morally developed people are almost always productive, there are active, enthusiastic, productive people who cut corners (or worse) and score poorly on the moral-reasoning scale. In other words, being productive doesn’t necessarily mean being good.

Narcissistic or Visionary Leadership?

By creating a vision others can follow, narcissists gain personal security and overcome isolation. This is what motivates them to be captivating, inspirational, charming and seductive.

History and business have witnessed legions of successful, productive narcissists who led their organizations to great success: Napoleon, Rockefeller, Roosevelt and Churchill. In the last 20 years, we’ve enjoyed radical advances from companies led by productive narcissists like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Andy Grove, Howard Schultz, Richard Branson and Oprah Winfrey.

Many companies, even those known for innovation, don’t want to hire narcissists who are visionary. No matter how much their leaders boast of encouraging independent thinking and creativity, many have little tolerance for true originals or mavericks. They prefer the obsessive leader who is driven to please and enforces company rules.

Productive narcissists want to create new paradigms that change the way we live and work. Conversely, obsessive business leaders excel at cutting costs, culling nonperformers from the pack, and implementing the right processes and systems. Which is the better leadership personality type for the future?

The answer, of course, depends on context. At this time in history, we need creative energy and passion more than ever before.

What apparently differentiates the more successful visionary leaders from the failures (besides moral reasoning) is strategic intelligence, which is why leadership personality matters.

Leaders in charge of developing business strategies set priorities based on their personality type and innate drives. Selecting future leaders cannot be based on one’s prior experience or successes without including assessment of leadership personality.

“All people, especially leaders, need a healthy dose of narcissism…it’s the engine that drives leadership.” ~ Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries

Lopsided Leadership: When Strengths Fail

In the last decade, leadership-development experts have enthusiastically pushed to improve their clients’ strengths instead of addressing their weaknesses. This approach may have some success in growing individuals’ effectiveness, but it’s fundamentally flawed.

Strengths training and coaching have somewhat of a cult-like following among HR and coaching professionals. Leaders are encouraged to develop their unique strengths and focus on fortifying areas in which they’re naturally talented.

Amazon sells almost 8,000 books on the subject, including several bestsellers published by Gallup, whose StrengthsFinder assessment tool is now used by 1.6 million employees every year and 467 Fortune 500 companies.

In some companies, even the word “weakness” has become politically incorrect. Staff is instead described as having strengths and “opportunities for growth” or “challenges.”

It’s easy to see why concentrating on leadership strengths is popular. It’s more enjoyable to hone in on innate strengths and avoid discussing weaknesses. But when strengths-oriented programs emphasize a single leadership area, they bypass others—usually to a manager’s detriment.

When strengths are overemphasized, they’re often overused.

“We’ve seen virtually every strength taken too far: confidence to the point of hubris, and humility to the point of diminishing oneself. We’ve seen vision drift into aimless dreaming, and focus narrow down to tunnel vision. Show us a strength and we’ll give you an example where its overuse has compromised performance and probably even derailed a career.”
—Robert B. Kaiser and Robert E. Kaplan, “Don’t Let Your Strengths Become Your Weaknesses,” Harvard Business Review, April 04, 2013

Too Much of a Good Thing

Doing too much of something is as much of a problem as doing too little of it. Most managers can point to a leader who takes things too far: the supportive boss who cuts people a little too much slack or the gifted operational director whose relentless focus on results leads to micromanaging. It can be extremely difficult to recognize these behaviors in yourself.

Other leaders underestimate their assets, downplaying their efforts or deflecting positive feedback. They fail to understand and own the extent of their impact on others.

Successful leaders recognize and accept their talents. They learn how to fine-tune their strengths, becoming self-aware and attuned to appropriate context.

Management assessment tools are usually ill-equipped to pick up on overplayed strengths. Feedback and performance reviews are commonly structured on scales that range from “never” to “sometimes” to “always” (or “doesn’t meet expectations,” “meets them” or “exceeds them”). Assessment scales rarely indicate that a leader exercises too little, the right amount or too much of a quality.

Career Derailment

Overplayed strengths are often at the root of career failures. Analyses of derailed leaders show they often rely excessively on qualities linked to past successes but less relevant to current roles.

“What got you here won’t get you there,” Marshall Goldsmith famously stated in his book by the same name (Hachette Books, 2007).

Many leaders fear they’ll lose their edge if they stop overplaying a strength. They must instead learn to use this strength more selectively.

This may be the hardest developmental work you take on. Behavioral changes are a demanding goal, and it’s even harder to change or modulate what you’ve always done well. You must trace your leadership behavior back to the faulty thinking that led you to form false assumptions at some point in your career. This doesn’t mean you have to go into therapy. You can work with an executive coach to realign your leadership strengths.

Lopsided Leadership

All managers, regardless of level, are likely to overuse strengths. Doing so not only corrupts these strengths, but creates specific weaknesses. If you believe your strengths are the only way to manage people, you’ll ignore equal, but opposing, strengths. This leads to lopsided leadership, Kaiser and Kaplan explain in Fear Your Strengths: What You Are Best at Could Be Your Biggest Problem (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2013).

Most leaders are familiar with the concept of skill sets coming in pairs. Multiple assessment tools classify people’s preferences as either “task-oriented” vs. “people-oriented,” “big picture” vs. “detail-oriented” or “analytic” vs. “intuitive.”

Our preferences are usually unconscious, reflecting our experiences and innate qualities. We’ve learned to define ourselves as one thing and not the other. Over the course of our careers, one strength grows while the other decays.

Let’s look at the positive and negative characteristics of four personality traits, as explored by Drs. Rick Brinkman and Rick Kirschner in Dealing with People You Can’t Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst (McGraw-Hill Education, 2002):

Leadership Dualities

While there are many different models of leadership competencies, the one proposed by Kaiser and Kaplan illustrates the tension of dualities that arise in the execution of leadership responsibilities.

“…there are two core dualities that confront all leaders: the need to be forceful combined with the need to be enabling, and the need to have a strategic focus combined with the need to have an operational focus. Together these dualities constitute the ‘how’ and the ‘what’ of leading.”

The authors have used their Leadership Versatility Index (LVI), a 360-degree assessment tool, with more than 7,000 managers who have been rated by 60,000 coworkers. Their results show that the more forceful leaders are, the less enabling they’re likely to be. Strategic and operational leadership are also inversely related.

Big-picture/visionary leaders tend to struggle with implementation, while masters of implementation tend to ignore or underplay strategy. The same holds true for the forceful/enabling dynamic, Kaiser and Kaplan note.

The LVI data reveal a strong association between strategic leadership and high scores on curiosity and open-mindedness, coupled with low scores on rule-abiding/detail-orientation. The opposite associations were found for operational leadership.

Forceful and enabling leadership were related to a different set of traits. Forceful leadership was associated with high scores on ambition and low scores on interpersonal sensitivity. Enabling leadership was associated with the opposite scores.

  • Strategically oriented leaders are often lauded for their aggressiveness and vision, but criticized for not being sufficiently grounded in reality.
  • Operationally oriented leaders are often admired for their focus and ability to systematically drive an organization toward its goals, but they are also faulted for having tunnel vision and a lack of strategic boldness.

LVI research also reveals 97% of managers who overdo forceful leadership in some respect also underdo enabling leadership, according to their coworkers.

Additionally, 94% who overdo operational leadership in some way also underdo strategic leadership. Yet, only 55% of the managers rated by coworkers as using too much of a leadership attribute rated themselves as overdoing that attribute.

Goldilocks Leadership

How can you manage people “just right” and take full advantage of your natural talents, without going too far?

The first step is to acknowledge where you overuse your strengths. Start with a review of the ratings on your most recent 360-degree report. Ask coworkers:

  • What should I do more?
  • What should I do less?
  • What should I continue doing?

Ask yourself whether you privately pride yourself on being superior to other leaders in any way. This is precisely the attribute you’re at risk of overdoing. Take a look at its polar opposite. Explore with your coach how you can experiment with new behaviors that have been underused.

Fine-tuning your strengths is an art that requires a blend of self-awareness and situational awareness.

  • Self-awareness allows you to handle challenges by responding appropriately rather than reactively. When you know what your default tendencies are, you can pause and mindfully choose a response instead of acting out of habit.
  • Situational awareness helps you regulate the “volume controls” of your strengths with regard to audience and context.

It would be unrealistic to suggest that everyone can become fully balanced. LVI research finds only 5% of executives get it right on forceful vs. enabling leadership, as well as strategic vs. operational leadership.

Most managers lean one way or another. This lopsidedness hurts your personal and team effectiveness. Sound leadership depends on learning how to stop overdoing a given attribute and underdoing its polar opposite.

Shifting your preferred mindset is no doubt challenging, but you can successfully conquer this goal with your coach’s help.

Overcoming Boredom at Work

Even though you may have a great job, you can still experience boredom. Who hasn’t been sitting at the computer when a restless feeling starts gnawing away and thoughts meander anywhere but on the task required? A feeling of boredom can cause one to question the meaning and value of just about everything.

Boredom isn’t just wasteful, it is stressful. If you’re busy, and yet still bored, it’s even more so.

"My boredom stems not from having nothing to do but from having nothing that seems worthwhile doing. We human beings are addicted to meaning, and this kind of existential boredom signals its unhappy retreat." ~ Mark de Rond, "Are You Busy at Work but Still Bored?" Harvard Business Review, July 2012.

Boredom can come not only from having nothing to do but from having nothing that seems worthwhile to do.

If boredom came solely from a lack of things to do, we could eliminate boredom by simply having more to do. But this solution only works in the short-term when what we are asked to do does not feel meaningful.

What Causes Boredom?

Boredom is not something to be taken lightly. Research suggests that many areas of a person’s life can be seriously impacted by feelings of boredom. In studies using a boredom-process scale, those who rated low were better performers in areas such as education, career and autonomy.

Let’s explore three types of boredom. The first type shows up when we are prevented from engaging in wanted activity. The second type occurs when we are forced to engage in unwanted activity; and the third type is when, for no apparent reason, we are unable to feel engaged for any length of time in any particular activity.

A 1989 study indicated that an impression of boredom may be influenced by an individual’s degree of attention. A high acoustic level of distraction from the environment correlates with higher reports of boredom.

One study suggests that boredom has an evolutionary basis that encourages humans to seek out new challenges, which may, ultimately, influence human learning and ingenuity. Perhaps it was boredom that propelled Christopher Columbus to explore new continents. Many of today’s innovations may stem from people who seek out new challenges.

Are Some People Prone to Boredom?

Is there such a thing as boredom proneness? Apparently so, and it is defined as a tendency to experience boredom of all types – typically assessed by something called the Boredom Proneness Scale.

Boredom proneness is clearly associated with attention problems. It has been shown to be linked to symptoms of depression.

Although boredom is often viewed as a trivial and mild irritant, proneness to boredom is linked to a diverse range of psychological, physical, educational, and social problems.

Boredom at Work

How can we adjust work when boredom strikes, even though we may have more than enough work to keep us busy all day? How do we escape that feeling when we have a task that doesn’t excite or engage us?

In a Fast Company article, 6 Ways the Most Successful People Conquer Boredom at Work, Sam Harrison suggests six tips.

  1. Force yourself to be curious, because boredom is oftentimes a loss of curiosity.
  2. You can try putting yourself in the shoes of whoever will benefit from the project you’re working on. How will the choices you make affect them?
  3. Look outside your own world and see how another subject or emotion was approached.
  4. Aim to do something deliberately amusing and make yourself laugh. Interestingly enough, laughter and boredom can’t exist simultaneously.
  5. Take a hike or stroll in new surroundings for fresh perspectives. Even moving to another room or a nearby coffee shop can help. Sometimes a simple change in scenery can reignite those brain cells.
  6. Try looking at your project in a new way; anything that gives you a change in perspective.

When all else fails, commit to trudging through when that seems like that’s all you can do. At times, we just have to keep going—even while resisting it—until something interesting comes into view again.

It’s easy to dismiss critical “stuck points” in your career as temporary boredom. In actuality, boredom is a sign that you need to do something else. Don’t let it become habitual. The longer it lasts, the harder it is to get “unstuck.”

In the end, boredom can seriously undermine others’ perceptions of your potential, as well as your chances for more interesting work opportunities. Speak up and discuss its causes and solutions. Your brain craves interesting things to do.

Do You Have an Attitude of Gratitude?

Do you regularly express gratitude? It turns out that an "attitude of gratitude" is not only wise for building positive relationships, but good for your health.

"If [thankfulness] were a drug, it would be the world’s best-selling product with a health maintenance indication for every major organ system," Dr. P. Murali Doraiswamy, expert in brain and mind health.

There are more reasons than you think for expressing gratitude. Beside the positive effects on health, gratitude brings about an increased ability to cope with stress, anxiety, and improves sleep.

Studies have shown that gratitude can produce measurable effects on a number of systems in your body, including:

  • Mood neurotransmitters
  • Reproductive hormones
  • Blood sugar
  • Blood pressure and cardiac rhythms
  • Stress hormones
  • Inflammatory and immune systems
  • Cognitive neurotransmitters

If you take your wellbeing seriously, you may want to increase the frequency at which you feel and express gratitude.

The Study of Gratitude

Traditionally, psychologists focused on understanding distress rather than positive emotions.  However, with the current focus on Positive Psychology, scientists are now looking at gratitude to understand the experience of the emotion, individual differences in frequency, and the relationship between these two aspects.

One study is looking at the link between spirituality and gratitude. Some have found that those who regularly attend religious services are more likely to have a greater sense of gratitude in all areas of life.

Researchers have also looked at the obstacles of gratitude and found self-absorption and entitlement as massive impediments. 

When you are preoccupied with yourself, it is easy to forget your benefits and benefactors.
With an attitude of “I deserve this,” or “you owe me,” or “life owes me,” grievances will always outnumber blessings.

According to Mark T. Mitchell, professor of political science at Patrick Henry College in Virginia:

Gratitude is born of humility, for it acknowledges the giftedness of the creation and the benevolence of the Creator. This recognition gives birth to acts marked by attention and responsibility. Ingratitude, on the other hand, is marked by hubris, which denies the gift, and this always leads to inattention, irresponsibility, and abuse.

Gratitude and Relationships

What actually is gratitude? Robert Emmons, Ph.D., a leading scientific expert, says that gratitude has two key components:

  • An affirmation of goodness: When you feel gratitude, you affirm that you live in a benevolent world.
  • A recognition that the source of this goodness comes from outside of yourself: You acknowledge that other people (or higher powers) provide you with "gifts" that improve your life in some way.

According to Emmons, gratitude is "a relationship-strengthening emotion, because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people."

Gratitude and Health

One area of life that we often take for granted and forget gratitude is health – sometimes until it’s too late.

According to Dr. Mercola, “We tend to take our health for granted until we’re suddenly in the throes of pain or a debilitating illness… If you have good health and all your mental faculties intact, you also have the prerequisite basics for doing something about the less satisfactory situations in your life.”

How to Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude

First, start by cultivating gratitude for the little things, which will foster a more deep-seated sense of happiness. Like a muscle, your sense of gratitude can be strengthened with practice, each time you express it.

Consider creating a personal journal to share thoughts and insights with yourself, all the while helping you move through problems and come to solutions. There are now a number of digital apps that allow you to journal from anywhere at any time.

In his Beginner’s Guide to Digital Journaling, Bakari Chavanu lists his four favorite apps, including Penzu, which allows you to express your most private thoughts by providing password protection (for both your journal and individual entries).

Dr. Alison Chen writes in a recent Huffington Post article that creating a nightly gratitude ritual can be a powerful strategy. She suggests taking a few minutes at the end of each day to stop and reflect, as a great way to bring about more feelings of gratefulness in your life.

Chen’s other suggestions include:

  • Write thank-you notes: Whether in response to a gift or kind act, or simply as a show of gratitude for someone being in your life, getting into the habit of writing thank-you letters can help you express gratitude in addition to simply feeling it inside.
  • Nonverbal actions: This includes smiles and hugs, both of which can express a wide array of messages, from encouragement and excitement to empathy and support.
  • Mind your please and thank-you’s: While it’s easy to say words like please and thank you in passing, these courtesies can become potent acknowledgments of gratitude when combined with eye contact and sincerity.

Expressing thanks during moments of reflection is another way to cultivate gratitude. Practicing "mindfulness" means that you’re actively paying attention to the moment you’re in right now. You can sit quietly and focus on something that you’re grateful for, such as a pleasant smell, a cool breeze, or a memory.

Take a couple minutes each day to stop and reflect. Taking regular pause is an excellent way to bring about more feelings of gratefulness in your life.

Growing Better Leaders: 5 Developmental Stages

The increasingly complex and chaotic marketplace poses an urgent need to grow better leaders. Companies that seek to maintain competitive advantages require strong leadership.

Leaders remain confused, however, about how to strengthen their competencies. Formal training and higher education haven’t sufficiently prepared them for all of the 21st century’s disruptive innovations and global challenges. While some leaders thrive, others barely survive. Many of today’s executives feel as though they’re in over their heads.

In their quest to unlock leadership potential, organizations invest millions in assessments, training programs and executive coaching. These investments seem to pay off, at least for a while. But for long-term growth, organizations must understand leadership’s developmental stages.

How Leaders “Grow Up”

Like all maturing adults, leaders progress through sequential developmental levels. At each stage, adults gain greater awareness and cognitive capacities. Similarly, leadership effectiveness improves as one develops, matures and expands consciousness.

At the higher stages of development, leaders become more successful and their businesses enjoy greater results. With increased leadership effectiveness, there’s a 38% probability of seeing higher business performance, according to one study. A 38% leverage is well beyond most companies’ profit margins, so developing capable leaders should be a priority.

Developmental-stage theory is relatively new and even more cutting-edge when applied to leadership programs. Rather than focusing on training, skills and knowledge, it involves expanding one’s mindset and “forms of mind” (defined by New Zealand leadership coach Jennifer Garvey Berger as our changing capacity to cope with complexity, multiple perspectives and abstraction).

Yet, few leadership-development initiatives address the inner game: how leaders perceive, find meaning, make decisions and handle complexities.

Robert J. Anderson and William A. Adams, authors of Mastering Leadership: An Integrated Framework for Breakthrough Performance and Extraordinary Business Results (Wiley, 2015), applied developmental-stage theory to create the Leadership Circle Profile, a 360° assessment tool that measures leaders’ developmental stages. Founders of The Leadership Circle consultancy, they also developed The Universal Model of Leadership.

Similarly, William B. Joiner and Stephen A. Josephs use developmental-stage theory as the foundation for Leadership Agility 360°, their 360° assessment tool, as explained in Leadership Agility: Five Levels of Mastery for Anticipating and Initiating Change (Jossey-Bass 2007).

These assessment tools are based on decades of psychological studies and are designed to accurately measure leadership effectiveness and identify a leader’s developmental stage. More than descriptive, the stages point to leadership behaviors that help target how to coax a leader to the next level.

By identifying stages of progressive development, we can create behavioral action plans and use coaching to expand a leader’s form of mind and modify behavior. Progressive organizations have adopted this strategy to promote leadership agility.

Foundations of Developmental Theory

Developmental theories have been around for decades, based on 50 years of psychological research into how adults mature. Organizational psychologists have since applied the basic tenets to leadership development. Their conclusions are summarized here:

  1. Just as children improve their cognitive capacities with age, so do adults.
  2. Adults, however, develop according to needs and opportunities, not because of age.
  3. Not all adults progress through all stages.
  4. Some adults can function only at lower levels of development. A small percentage attains higher levels of awareness, wisdom and compassion.
  5. As leaders progress through developmental levels, they expand their mental and emotional capacities and become increasingly skilled at handling complexity.
  6. Each stage describes a form of mind: a way of thinking about responsibility, conflicts, perspective and assumptions (about self, others and the world).
  7. Leaders may operate partially at one stage and occasionally at the next, but return to old habits before transitioning.
  8. Transitioning requires changing one’s previous assumptions to expand consciousness.
  9. Leaders who function at higher developmental stages produce significantly improved business results.
  10. Knowing a leader’s developmental level, coupled with behavioral action plans and coaching, provides a measure of competitive advantage or disadvantage.

Levels of Leadership

The following table explains how four leadership experts define levels of leadership behaviors and mindsets. Unfortunately, there is no uniform agreement on vocabulary, which has created a confusing array of names and definitions.

(Please note: The rows of stages aren’t equal; that is, while there may be some similarities, the stages are not defined as equivalent to others across rows.)

Using a broad brush, we can summarize the various stages of leadership development as follows:

  • Level 1: Leaders who operate at the first stage of development are focused on their own need to excel, which explains why it’s referred to as an Egocentric, Opportunist or Expert stage. These leaders are acutely aware of what they need to do to succeed and how they must be perceived by others. Leadership at Level 1 therefore tends to be autocratic and controlling. A leader’s mindset is limited at this stage because there’s no shared reality. Growth requires one to become aware of, and interested in, other people’s needs and to reach out co-relationally. This is a normal developmental stage for young adults, but ineffective for leaders (although 5% appear to operate at this stage).
  • Level 2: Leaders’ abilities to simultaneously respond to their personal needs and those of others is the hallmark of Stage 2, referred to as the Socialized or Reactive mindset by some, and the Diplomat or Achiever stage by others. At this stage, a leader plays by the organization’s rules and expectations and builds alliances, but with a focus on how to best get ahead. One’s emphasis is on the outer game to gain meaning, self-worth and security.

    Leaders hone their strengths, but are nonetheless limited by them. At this stage, identity is defined from the outside-in and requires external validation in one of three ways: relationship strength, intellect, or results. Leaders fall into three categories at Level 2: Complying, Protecting or Controlling (reflecting overdependence on heart, head or will). When self-worth and identity depend on overused strengths, growth is self-limited, as behavioral options are restricted. Most leaders (nearly 75%, as with most adults) operate at this second level of maturity.

  • Level 3: Referred to as the Creative, Self-Authoring, Individualist or Catalyst stage, Level 3 is marked by personal transformation from old assumptions/beliefs and a quest for external validation to a more authentic version of the self. These leaders want to know who they truly are and what they care most about. They’re on a path to becoming visionary leaders, accepting that authenticity carries a risk of disappointing others, potential failures and hazards associated with contradicting accepted norms. Leaders trade their need to be admired for a higher purpose. They don’t feel the need to be the hero and begin to share power. No longer the sole decision-makers, Level 3 leaders encourage groups to become more self-managing and meaningfully involved in organizational success. They focus on high performance through teamwork and a desire to develop others. Their leadership is truly collaborative. About 20% of leaders operate with a Level 3 mindset.
  • Level 4: Called the Integral, Transforming Self, Strategist and Co-Creator stage, Level 4’s hallmark is one’s ability to focus not only on an organizational vision, but the welfare of the larger system in which a company operates. Servant leadership emerges, as one considers more interdependent components and systemic complexities.
  • Level 5: Level 5 is referred to as Unitive, Alchemist and Synergist. At this level, leaders expand perspectives even further, focusing on higher purpose and common good. Beyond this level other stages may be unexplored, as very few leaders grow past the fourth level. To some theorists, Level 5 encompasses a spiritual focus.

Heroic and Post-Heroic Stages

The first two levels are based on leaders’ ability to hold themselves out as heroes, providing answers and solutions. But operating with this mindset means you’re intent on meeting your own needs, including wanting to be the recognized expert, achieving results and being admired.

When you can transition to the third stage (Creative, Self-Authoring, Catalyst), you no longer have an externally based self-worth. At this point, you aim for a higher purpose, are willing to share power, and can let go of previous assumptions and your hero complex.

Great leadership and business performance emerge at the “post-heroic” stages. In the top 10% of the highest-performing businesses (out of a half million surveyed), the average leadership effectiveness score falls into the 80th percentile, research shows. These leaders score better than 80% of their peers.

Surging Past the Norm

Most adults fail to progress beyond what’s normative: the Socialized or Reactive mind. Only 10% of adults progress beyond the Achiever level, according to the Leadership Agility authors:

Viewed from The Leadership Circle research, only 20% progress beyond the Reactive stage, which points to the urgent need for leadership-development programs to address far more than skills and outer competencies.

Why All of This Matters

At higher levels of development, leaders can detect nuances, deal with paradoxes and respond with agility in lieu of being reactive. Today’s volatile business environment demands higher levels of consciousness.

Developmental-stage theories are more than descriptive tools. The stages chart a path that can help leaders develop more complex forms of mind. The framework also helps match a leader’s mindset at any given time with that required by a particular task.

As they progress from one level to the next, leaders expand their strengths and abilities. They can grow into the next developmental stage, recognizing there will be a learning curve and inherent challenges.

“Leaders with different forms of mind will have different capacities to take the perspectives of others, to be self-directed, to generate and modify systems, to manage conflicts, and to deal with paradox.” ~ Jennifer Garvey Berger Changing on the Job: Developing Leaders for a Complex World, Stanford Business Books, 2011

As a leader, your ability to make sense of greater levels of complexity continues throughout the lifespan and has a significant impact on both leadership and development. You acquire special competencies and skills with experience, as well as a mind that sharpens over time. Only when leadership development programs take developmental stages into account will you grow into a better leader.

Disentangle Difficult Conversations

Why do we avoid difficult conversations? At some point, many of us have had to deliver the dreaded line, “We need to talk.”  And this often precedes an argument rather than any conversation.

Why are some conversations so difficult that we’ll do anything to avoid them? Possibly because:

  1. We are stuck between what we feel and knowing what we really shouldn’t say.
  2. We are distracted by our internal thoughts and uncertain about what to share.
  3. There’s so much going on in the relationship with the other person, it’s confusing.

If you didn’t care on some level about your relationship with the other person, you wouldn’t struggle with this in the first place. But avoiding the conversation allows things to build up to the boiling point. When we finally have no choice but to confront the issue, we end up damaging the relationship with the other person.

Holly Weeks, author of an article in Harvard Business Review, "Failure to Communicate," describes a familiar “difficult conversation” scenario:

“Your stomach’s churning; you’re hyperventilating – you’re in a badly deteriorating conversation at work. Such exchanges, which run the gamut from firing subordinates to parrying verbal attacks from colleagues, are so loaded with anger, confusion, and fear that most people handle them poorly: they avoid them, clamp down, or give in. But dodging issues, appeasing difficult people, and mishandling tough encounters all carry a high price for managers and companies – in the form of damaged relationships, ruined careers, and intensified problems.”

Whenever emotions are involved, conversations get tricky. Emotions are generated in the part of the brain called the amygdala – a more primitive part of the brain. When stimulated, it calls the body into fight or flight mode. Humans are genetically hard-wired to react to emotional triggers by either fighting, freezing, or fleeing – actions which, during cavemen times, had huge survival benefits.

Are we much different now than our ancestors? Genetically, no. We still have impulses to blast someone or clam up and avoid them altogether. We are not actually hard-wired to sit down and talk it over with someone when there’s a problem.

Rebecca Knight, in an article in Harvard Business Review, gives us pointers on getting what you need from these challenging conversations while keeping relationships intact.

  1. Change your mindset: If you’re gearing up for a conversation you’ve labeled “difficult,” you’re more likely to feel nervous and upset about it beforehand. Instead, try “framing it in a positive” way. For example, you’re not giving negative performance feedback; you’re having a constructive conversation about development. You’re not telling your boss "no," you’re offering up an alternate solution. A difficult conversation tends to go best when you think about it as a normal conversation.
  1. Breathe: The calmer one is, the better one can handle difficult conversations. Take regular breaks and breathe mindfully to refocus. This technique works well in the heat of the moment. If, for example, a colleague comes to you with an issue that might lead to a hard conversation, excuse yourself — get a cup of coffee or take a brief stroll — and collect your thoughts.
  1. Plan, but don’t script: To plan what you want to say, jot down notes and key points before the conversation. Drafting a script, however, is a waste of time. Your strategy for the conversation should be flexible and contain a repertoire of possible responses. Aim for language that is simple, clear, direct, and neutral.

Three Kinds of Conversations

Fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project has produced some interesting information about what goes on during conflict. The book, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, is written by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen and Roger Fisher (Penguin Books, 2000).

There are basically three kinds of conversations, no matter what the subject. In each of these kinds of conversations, we make predictable errors that distort our thoughts and feelings.

  1. The “What Happened?” conversation. There is usually disagreement about what happened or what should happen. Stop arguing about who’s right: explore each other’s stories and try to learn something new. Don’t assume meanings. Disentangle intent from impact. Abandon blaming anyone and think in terms of contributions to the solution.
  1. The “Feelings” conversation. Every difficult conversation also asks and answers questions about feelings, which are formed in response to our thoughts based on negotiable perceptions. Are they valid? Appropriate? Often feelings are not addressed directly and thus they interfere with the conversation even more.
  1. The “Identity” conversation. This is where we examine what’s at stake: what do I stand to lose or gain? What impact might this have on my career, marriage, self-esteem, our relationship? These issues determine the degree to which we feel off-centered and anxious.

Sometimes a third party can help facilitate difficult conversations. Talking it through with your coach can help decipher the underlying components of a difficult conversation. With a coach, you can examine your assumptions, your emotions and your personal identity. You can learn to structure difficult conversations in a way that improves relationships instead of risking them.

Bring Out the Best in People: 5 Steps to Peak Performance

How do you bring out the best in people? Managers want their people to achieve excellence at work. Leaders and management alike know that they can’t achieve expected business results without the participation and engagement of individuals and teams.

Without people motivated for peak performance, companies will go out of business. Peak performance is defined as a combination of excellence, consistency and ongoing improvement.

To achieve peak performance, one must find the right job, tasks and conditions that match his or her strengths. Therefore, facilitating the right fit becomes one of a manager’s most crucial responsibilities. While every employee has the potential to deliver peak performance, it’s up to the manager to bring out the best in people.

Disengaged Or Bored?

Disengaged employees often appear to lack commitment. In reality, many of them crave engagement. No one enjoys working without passion or joy.

While many factors cause disengagement, the most prevalent is feeling overwhelmed — or, conversely, underwhelmed. Disconnection and overload pose obstacles to performance, yet they often go undetected or ignored because neither qualifies as a disciplinary issue.

Meanwhile, managers try to work around such problems, hoping for a miraculous turnaround or a spark that reignites energy and drive. They try incentives, empowerment programs or the management “fad du jour.”

While it’s impossible to create “flow” moments all day long, any manager can greatly improve on the ability to help people achieve peak performance. Traditionally managers try various motivational methods, such as incentives and rewards, but with only temporary success.

Managing Knowledge Workers

You can’t force peak performance with knowledge workers—those employees who need to think to do their jobs. The brain needs careful management and rest. Brain science tells us that knowledge workers must manage their critical thinking skills with care.

In addition to variety and stimulation, all humans require food, rest, engagement, physical exercise and challenge. It is unrealistic to expect a human being to sit at a desk for hours and produce quality work without providing these essential elements, and more.

We often forget that thinking is hard work. When we work too many hours, the brain’s supply of neurotransmitters becomes depleted, and we are unable to sustain top performance. Without proper care, the brain will underperform—and brain fatigue mimics disengagement and lack of commitment.

Peak performance also depends on how we feel: hopeful, in control, optimistic and grateful. We need to know that we’re appreciated.

Use Brain Science to Bring Out the Best

While no management guru has found the golden key to unlocking the full panoply of human potential at work, research sheds new light on the possibilities.

As far back as a 2005 Harris poll, 33 percent of 7,718 employees surveyed believed they had reached a dead end in their jobs, and 21 percent were eager to change careers. Only 20 percent felt passionate about their work.

The situation isn’t improving.  In 2014, 52.3 percent of Americans said they were unhappy at work, according to a report by the Conference Board, the New York-based nonprofit research group.

When so many skilled and motivated people spend decades moving from one job to the next, something is wrong. They clearly have not landed in the right outlets for their talents and strengths. Their brains never light up.

The better the fit, the better the performance. People require clear roles that allow them to succeed, while also providing room to learn, grow and be challenged.

Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, author of Shine: Using Brain Science to Get the Best from Your People (Harvard Business Press, 2011), synthesizes some of the research into five steps managers can apply to maximize employees’ performance.

Hallowell refers to the five cited essential ingredients as “The Cycle of Excellence,” which works because it exploits the powerful interaction between an individual’s intrinsic capabilities and extrinsic environment. A psychiatrist and ADD expert, he draws on brain science and peak performance research for bringing out the best in people:

  • Select: Put the right people in the right job, and give them responsibilities that “light up” their brains.
  • Connect: Strengthen interpersonal bonds among team members.
  • Play: Help people unleash their imaginations at work.
  • Grapple and Grow: When the pressure’s on, enable employees to achieve mastery of their work.
  • Shine: Use the right rewards to promote loyalty and stoke your people’s desire to excel.

“Neither the individual nor the job holds the magic,” Hallowell writes. “But the right person doing the right job creates the magical interaction that leads to peak performance.”

Step 1: Select

To match the right person to the right job, examine how three key questions intersect:

  • At what tasks or jobs does this person excel?
  • What does he/she like to do?
  • How does he/she add value to the organization?

Set the stage for your employees to do well with responsibilities they enjoy. You can then determine how they will add the greatest possible value to your organization.

Step 2: Connect

Managers and employees require a mutual atmosphere of trust, optimism, openness, transparency, creativity and positive energy. Each group can contribute to reducing toxic fear and worry, insecurity, backbiting, gossip and disconnection.

A positive working environment starts with how the boss handles negativity, failure and problems. The boss sets the tone and models preferred behaviors and reactions. Employees take their cues from those who lead them.

To encourage connection:

  • Look for the spark of brilliance within everyone.
  • Encourage a learning mindset.
  • Model and teach optimism, as well as the belief that teamwork can overcome any problem.
  • Use human moments instead of relying on electronic communication.
  • Learn about each person.
  • Treat everyone with respect, especially those you dislike.
  • Meet people where they are, and know that most will do their best with what they have.
  • Encourage reality.
  • Use humor without sarcasm or at others’ expense.
  • Seek out the quiet ones, and try to bring them in.

This is common sense, but we fail to use it when it is really required. When people are floundering, the last thing they need is to have their flaws and mistakes spotlighted. Instead, make sure you understand where they are at and what the real problems are.

Step 3: Play

Play isn’t limited to break time. Any activity that involves the imagination lights up our brains and produces creative thoughts and ideas. Play boosts morale, reduces fatigue and brings joy to workdays.

Encourage imaginative thinking with these steps:

  • Ask open-ended questions.
  • Encourage everyone to produce three new ideas each month.
  • Allow for irreverence or goofiness (without disrespect), and model this behavior.
  • Brainstorm.
  • Reward new ideas and innovations.
  • Encourage people to question everything.

Step 4: Grapple and Grow

Help people engage imaginatively with tasks they like and at which they excel. Encourage them to stretch beyond their usual limits.

If tasks are too easy, people fall into boredom and routine without making any progress or learning anything new. Your job, as a manager, is to be a catalyst when people get stuck, offering suggestions but letting them work out solutions.

Step 5: Shine

Every employee should feel recognized and valued for what he or she does. Recognition should not be reserved solely for a group’s stars.

People learn from mistakes, and they grow even more when their successes are noticed and praised. Letting them know that you appreciate victories large and small will motivate them and secure their loyalty.

When a person is underperforming, consider that lack of recognition may be a cause. An employee usually won’t come right out and tell you that he/she feels undervalued, so you must look for the subtle signs. In addition:

  • Be on the lookout for moments when you can catch someone doing something right. It doesn’t have to be unusual or spectacular. Don’t withhold compliments.
  • Be generous with praise. People will pick up on your use of praise and start to perform for themselves and each other.
  • Recognize attitudes, as well as achievements. Optimism and a growth mindset are two attitudes you can single out and encourage. Look for others.

When you’re in sync with your people, you create positive energy and opportunities for peak performance. Working together can be one of life’s greatest joys—and it’s what we’re wired to do.

Maintain Excellence in Uncertain Times

Nothing is as difficult as managing in uncertain times. With the rapidly changing competitive environment and new technologies, it’s hard to keep up.

Managing people well is even more challenging when you’re constantly putting out fires.  You can’t sacrifice performance in the name of speed, cost cutting, efficiency, and what can be mislabeled as necessity. When you ignore connections, deep thought disappears in favor of decisions based on fear.

These five areas of focus can help you avoid fear-based management practices. Use these five steps to identify problem areas and decide on a plan of action. In this way you creatively manage for growth, not just survival.

Lastly, in order to achieve peak performance, one needs to be in top shape, physically and mentally. Psychologist Sherrie Campbell, in an article on Entrepreneur Magazine, lists five habits worth cultivating that managers can suggest to help people achieve peak performance:

  • Get enough sleep: Sleep deprivation can leave one feeling scatterbrained, foggy and unfocused. Good sleep improves our ability to be patient, retain information, think clearly, make good decisions and be present and alert in all our daily interactions.
  • Get daily exercise: Exercise is the best way to reduce the stress that impairs performance stamina. Exercise increases our “happy” mood chemicals through the release of endorphins, which help rid our mind and body of tension.
  • Connect for emotional support: Having healthy, loving relationships increases our happiness, success and longevity by promoting the capacity to function in life as our best self.
  • Be unapologetically optimistic: Look for the best in every situation. Optimism is the commitment to believe, expect and trust that things in life are rigged in our favor. Even when something bad happens, find the silver lining.
  • Create alone time: Time spent alone for reflection refuels our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self. This is time to recharge, focus on values and purpose, and cultivate self love and respect.

“Put simply, the best managers bring out the best from their people. This is true of football coaches, orchestra conductors, big-company executives, and small-business owners. They are like alchemists who turn lead into gold. Put more accurately, they find and mine the gold that resides in everyone.” ~ Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, Shine: Using Brain Science to Get the Best from Your People (Harvard Business Press, 2011)